Humor

What would an instruction manual for a new baby look like? I have taken the liberty of assembling a "trouble shooting" section for such a manual. (Please do not take this too seriously, it is all in fun.)

My Baby will not stop crying	Check his diaper.
	Check his diaper again. In the two minutes it took you to go to the bathroom, he might have messed his pants.
	After you have checked the diaper - Is he hungry? Try to feed him.
	Did he just eat? He may need to burp. Caution: When burping your baby, it is unwise to wear dry clean only garments
	If he is well-fed, burped, and has a clean diaper - Is he sleepy? Lay him in his bed.
	If he is well-fed, burped, has a clean diaper and does not want to sleep – maybe he just wants to be held
	If he is well-fed, burped, has a clean diaper, and does not want to sleep – maybe he is just tired of being held, try putting him on the floor for “tummy time”
	If the baby is still crying – is it possible that an older sibling gave him a kiss that was too sloppy on his cheek? If so. Wipe off slobber.
	If the baby is still crying, I suggest returning to the top of this list, because by now he has surely messed his diaper again.