Thursday, February 15, 2024

Catching Up

 Lately, I have been wanting to get back to blogging. But, after posting only once a year for the past several years, I feel a bit out of touch. I have so much that I want to share, but you need to know what my family is doing these days. So, today I want to start with an update! Hopefully I can begin posting more regularly after this initial update.

The family as a whole - 

We are living in south-central IL. Paul and I have been married 24 years. The 7 kids range in age from 21 down to 5. We have 3 boys in public school. Only myself and the 5yo go to church these days. I still hold on to my faith despite the many painful church encounters that we have experienced. I am sad to say that some of the other family members were burned one too many times, and now they avoid church/christians like the plague. Others in my family may still hold onto a shred of faith, but don't really care to set aside time to go to church. As you can imagine, this situation causes me pain. I have been grieving this secretly for years. But, this situation is a major part of our family life. And, I have no doubt that the issue will come up in my writing in the future. 

The kids (this is going to be abbreviated to protect their privacy. They don't really love when I share things publicly) -

Rebecca (21) is at a state college in a nursing program. She also works in mgmt at a restaurant. 

Nelson (20) works full time as a cook at a restaurant.

Lydia (18) works full time at Walmart. LJ still has some health issues that are a daily trial for her. But, she is stronger than she used to be. She may need to drop down to part-time, because her body is always so tired. But, I am ridiculously proud of her for sticking with full time hours for almost 3 months now.

Joshua (16) recently left a part-time job that he started when he was 15, and he is looking for a new one. He withdrew from public school to do school online.

Josiah (14) is in public school 8th grade.

Jeremiah (12) is in public school 6th grade.

Nathaniel (5) is in public school preschool for a few hours each day.

Me and Paul-

Paul is still working in an Illinois state prison. He is a "corrections officer," a guard. His interests are reading and listening to podcasts. He really loves time with the kids, especially the 5 year old. (Nathaniel thinks Daddy is the best person in the universe.) Paul also enjoys deep thinking and questioning everything. He can be a bit philosophical and at times it hurts my brain. But, I try to keep up. 

I am not working at any paying jobs. But, I am involved in ministries at my church. I teach the college and career age group on Sundays. I am currently teaching a short-term ladies' Bible study on Wednesday nights. And, I am a greeter. I truly love my church. It is the healthiest, most stable church environment I have been in for years. It's a big church, and in the past I have been hard on big churches. But, I am thrilled to be a part of First Baptist Maryville. It has been a safe place for my heart to heal from past church hurt. Aside from volunteering at church, I am also trying to write more. Maybe some day I will actually get something published.  

Here are some photos. 

Soccer season - fall 2023. Jeremiah is our soccer player. As many of us as are able attend each game. 


Below- Christmas 2023



Every family photo session gets a few fun poses! 


Context for the last photo. I went from years of physical disability to remission. And, this fall I was able to play an entire soccer game with my boys. It was a really big deal!!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Thoughts on Lent

    Lent is a season of focusing on the Lord in the days leading into our Easter Celebration. Lent is a 40-day span of time that begins the Wednesday after Marti Gras/ "Fat Tuesday.” The basic idea is some form of sacrificing our own desires to honor the One who sacrificed everything for us. (This year Ash Wednesday is February 14 and Lent concludes on the Thursday before Easter, also called Maundy Thursday, March 28) 
   
  If you are familiar with New Orleans in February, then you know that Fat Tuesday can be viewed by some as a day to gorge oneself on all one’s carnal desires before Lent requires them to set aside certain cravings. This would be an over-generalization of what Lent truly is, but it’s a starting place - for most people Lent means giving up something that you enjoy.
    
     I didn’t grow up participating in Lent. I didn’t have the foggiest notion of what Lent means to Christians until my twenties. And, to be sure, the meaning of Lent and participation in Lent widely vary across Evangelical culture. 
    Maybe the only thing you associate with Lent is fish fry Fridays. Some People of Faith choose to abstain from most types of meat on Fridays leading up to Easter. And, a fish fry becomes a great way to have fellowship and keep each other accountable to this practice. 
     Maybe you have friends who abstain from something for 40 days leading up to Easter, like chocolate or alcohol.

     It is my opinion that there is no right way or wrong way to participate in Lent. And, participating in Lent is not commanded in Scripture. However, Scripture does have times of feasting and fasting. And, the practice of abstaining from something you enjoy to focus more on your faith is typically a good practice.

     Some ways I have practiced Lent in the past were attempting to abstain from certain food or activities, such as: 
                 -sugar -  gluten   -tv   -Facebook   -listening to music 
                 -blogging   -screen time   -caffeine   -soda/soft drinks 

     I have also used Lent as a time to add in positive/constructive things, such as:
             -additional time for prayer 
             -daily Bible reading (like when I had 6 kids age 9 and under and I just could not seem to make                         time to get it done daily)
             -drinking a certain amount of water 

     Whether you eliminate items from your day or add something in, I encourage you to do it with an end goal of fixing your eyes upon Jesus. We are not primarily “doing Lent” for the purpose of weight loss or prepping our winter hibernation bodies for a swimsuit this summer. Our aim is to bring glory to God and to deepen our relationship with Him. 

     You may ask, if our goal is to glorify God, then why are so many of the Lent activities listed above focused on food. I have wrestled with that same question in years past. But, I think we all know that what we put into our bodies affects our thoughts, attitudes, and the ability to work/serve/love. And, your food choices may lead to body fatigue or brain fog that make it very hard to “take every thought captive” and choose not to give into the temptations you face. (see 2 Corinthians 10:3-5; 1 Corinthians 10:13) 

     The Bible teaches that our thoughts and attitudes are important, because they will influence our actions. (Proverbs 4:23; Philippians 4:8) I think that deep down most of us admit that to be in our best frame of mind to serve the Lord and love others, we need to be of good health. I am certainly not trying to shame you into making a drastic change for Lent. But, I would like to challenge you to think about whether there’s anything that is standing between you and your submission to the Lord - and maybe you could consider reducing it or eliminating it for the next 40 days.

     Lent does not have to be an “all or nothing” proposition. Unless the Holy Spirit is convicting your heart to do so, I am not encouraging you to drop all sugar or carbs for the next 40 days. Because, if you are like me, chances are - instead of focusing more on the Lord, you may end up completely fixated on your dietary regimen. Then, this tool to get closer to the Lord becomes your master. I don’t want that for you, and I am relatively certain that is not what the Lord wants for you either. (I don't know what is best for you. Pray about it, I trust that He will lead you in what is right for you.) 

     Moderation is hard! But, what if you were to make a baby step change to aid you in your journey of laying down your desires and putting God first

     I will be honest with you, it is in my nature to be all or nothing. And, the problem with that mentality is when I make just one mistake, I end up scrapping the whole thing. So, as much as I would like to say “for 40 days I won't eat sugar or look at screens,” it’s simply not realistic. I don’t want to set myself up (or set you up) to fail. I don’t want to be like the Pharisees mentioned in Matthew 23:4 who put heavy loads on people’s shoulders. So, instead of giving up all streaming services for Lent (which was my original plan) I am going to limit myself to a set number or hours to watch per week. This will still make an impact on my week! And, I am hoping that it will be so positive that I make another incremental change after Easter to reduce even more. And, instead of giving up all caffeine, I will reduce my intake to a certain amount of coffees or cans.

     Perhaps moderation is even harder for you than complete elimination - I get it! It is for me too, at least for the first few days. But, to continue long term, I need the grace to mess up! I was just contemplating this concept of grace for my mistakes during Lent - and really, that is what Easter is all about! We could not be perfect, so God sent Jesus. You may succumb to temptation before March 28. It’s okay! Just give yourself the same grace you give a toddler learning to walk. You pick yourself up, you say, “You did so good! Let’s try again!” And then you take the next step. 

     Here are some ideas that can start small. Perhaps consider: 
            -one extra water a day 
            -one devotional reading 
            -one scripture verse that you meditate on all day 
            -unplugging for a certain amount of minutes from your screens 
            -checking that social media account only once a day/hour instead of several times every hour

     Or, maybe as you have been reading this you have another nudge all together. For example, as I am writing this, a thought that just came to me - what if you try not to speak or dwell on your negative self-talk? (Including but not limited to: I am ugly, I am too fat/skinny, no one loves me, no one could love me, I am all alone, there is no hope, this will never end, I can never change, I am a failure, I am a bad mom, etc.) Or, when you do have self-defeating thoughts/speech, you have to spend 5 minutes doing something that builds you up (reading Scripture, Scripture-based identity affirmations, prayer, or journaling about what makes you think that lie you just said is true) 

     The options for practicing Lent are limitless and this is between you and the Lord. I am not your conscience, I am just a friend and encourager. 

    So, go in Grace! And, I pray this time of “fasting” is an opportunity to draw near to the Lord! 
 “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8