Thursday, October 13, 2016

When daydreaming brings better vision...

As sometimes happens, I was hit with some deep thoughts while I was in the middle of daydreaming.
What would happen, what would it be like, if I became blind? (This isn't exactly prose... neither is it any type of poetry I am familiar with. We could call it meandering mind... or derailed train of thought that took me to the destination that was better than the one I anticipated.) Some of this was written with my actual weaknesses in mind, but some of it is written with every woman in mind.

What if I became blind?
If I became blind, would I finally see?
Would I more clearly see the people that surround me?
Would I fall more in love with my husband as he served me and daily laid down his life for me?
Would I hear the hurt in the voices of the broken, where previously my eyes were deceived by fake smiles and make-up?
Would I love people without seeing such things as tattoos and ear rings?
Would all the designations of beauty that the World gives mean anything at all?
Would I see for the first time that some of God's most beautiful souls are hidden in bodies of people who are "fat," "short," or "too tall?"
Would I love people more if I couldn't see the car they drove? The brand of clothes they wear? Or the color of their hair?
Would I love people more if I couldn't see acne or a smile muted by the crooked teeth it revealed?
Would I see my own daughter, who is covered with white patches (caused by vitiligo) as even more beautiful than I already know her to be?
How would it feel if I was no longer distracted by hair styles or eyebrows?
Would I be free of forming instant judgments about people?
Would I love more freely?
Would I more readily hug those who might presently make me cringe?
Would I see what true beauty is?
Would I better hear the cries of the hearts of others without the limitation of sight?
Would I love people from all walks of life with more fervor?
Would you drop me off on the "wrong side of town" and I could be free from the burden of such labels?
Would I see myself as beautiful, if I was no longer enslaved to a mirror and a scale?
Would I discover what really matters?

Lord, free me of my wretched human sight and let me see through Your Eyes! As I enjoy the rich colors of autumn, I rejoice! As I look forward to a day of daughters parading down the aisle in white, I rejoice! As I see my husband's eyes - so blue, so gentle - I rejoice! But, I want to see more than my human eyes can see. Remove the limitations of human sight and let me see people through the eyes of love! Transform my heart, that I would truly SEE! In Jesus Name, Amen.

Friday, September 16, 2016

A (word) picture to describe my chronic illness

Living with a chronic, invisible illness is awful. This is compounded by the fact that I usually don't look sick. The following paragraphs are from my "book" about living with chronic illness. (It's more of a memoir, really). I wanted to share this picture of disability. This is addressed mostly to people who don't live with a person like me, and they don't really know what it means to have a chronic illness. This is written in past tense, as though I no longer deal with this struggle. But, my autoimmune issues flare up often and I have bad days. I still struggle.

           I want to paint a picture for you to understand what it is like to live with chronic illness. I will use my husband as an example.
            My husband, Paul, worked for UPS for several years. For quite a while, he was in the position of pre-loader. He put the packages into the trucks. Sometimes he had to load as many as four trucks at one time. The work was fast-paced as well as physically and mentally challenging. It was like a big puzzle that had to be put together every night. When all the boxes were properly loaded he was tired, but felt satisfied in a job well done.
          Then, a horrible thing happened. Paul's discs in his back became herniated. He could no longer do his job with the same vigor. And, there was a period of time that he had to take three months off while his back healed. During that time, Paul struggled with feelings of uselessness. He wanted to be able to get out and work.
           This kind of situation is hard for a man to deal with. Men were made to work. But, it could have been worse . . .
           What if instead of just being stuck in his bed every day (which was hard enough for a hard-working man like Paul) he had to lay on a couch at the delivery center and see boxes and boxes piling up outside of his package cars? What if he had to watch while someone else tried to do his job, but they were just not doing it as well as he could have? Worse yet, what if he had to watch a driver pull away from the bay with the work left undone and boxes strewn all over the floor?
          That was my life (in 2014, when I was at my worst). I knew my job description. Mother: makes meals, tickles children, plays catch, washes laundry, does the dishes, makes child do homework (or in my case teaches school), kisses boo boos, keeps the house looking nice. But, I was unable to fulfill my role as mother. Sadly, I had to watch as jobs went undone, finished half-way, or completed once again by my eldest daughter. I had to live in my mess . . . forever seeing that I couldn't do anything to help. I felt useless. I felt like a failure. There was no where to turn my eyes to avoid seeing reminders of my sickness.
          That's one picture of disability.
          Add to that first picture now (Paul, on the imaginary couch at work, watching the work get done by someone else to a lesser standard than he could have done it) – What if he had gotten up and forced himself to work? What if he had a day where he had less pain and decided, “I would like to work today”? How would he have felt the next day? What would have been the long-term repercussions? One good day of work would be followed by many days in worse pain. This is the reality of what many chronically ill people suffer with day to day. The physical pain is one thing. The mental anguish is another.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

A Day Spent Enjoying Ourselves - Photos

Our two real cameras were in use. So I was happy to have my phone camera. Click any photo to enlarge. (Photos by Bethany)

At Stephen's Lake Park in Columbia, MO. This park is one of my favorite places in Columbia! On this day we spent a lot of time exploring and photographing nature.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Pecans - Photos by Bethany

I took these photos last year. At least, I think I am the one that took all of these. My apologies if I have unintentionally stolen Nelson's work. That's the trouble with your son having the best camera in the house. (Click any photo to bring up the enlargements page)

Our children - Fall 2015

This year we don't have too many pecans. In fact, I'm not sure we will even get one bucket. Between storms and Japanese beetles our pecan tree was stripped.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Photographs by Nelson

We were all feeling creative the other day, so I encouraged Rebecca and Nelson to get their cameras out. This post is only Nelson's work. I will post Rebecca's photos later. Please let Nelson know which picture is your favorite.

(CLICK any photo to bring up the enlargements page)

Nelson's photos: