Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Desperation(Paul)

(This post was written by Paul, when we were trying to move out of a moldy house that was making me lose my mind and physical health. Our daughter Lydia was also very sick. We were desperate for a way out of the chaos! We moved in October 2010 to a much better home.)


Dear family and friends,

We are in desperation mode. Bethany has not conveyed the depth or the extent of what our household is going through. She cannot and will not. If you could witness the atmosphere of our home from day to to day you would think we were insane. So please, I beg you, pray more earnestly than ever. We need God to break into our lives in a big way.

Also, a friend of a friend offered to let us stay in their home in Columbia. We don't know much at all about this family. I went to college with them but we did not hang out. We visited a church Sunday and this family just happened to be members there. It seems that God would have us to know them, but is he asking us to stay with them for a while? We are scared to take such an offer. We are a family of seven, they are a family of six. We would really take up space. It just seems odd to move in with folks we barely know. Are we just being proud?

Sadly, we are are losing faith here, literally. At times you would think that we were not Christians, to our shame. I know God provides, I am just scared because of what I am seeing unfold before my eyes. Please, for the sake of my wife and children ask the Lord to show us the way.

Paul

7 comments:

Kimberly said...

Desparate times call for desparate measures. Your housing situation sounds just terrible, as a stay at home wife, I know I would find it very discouraging to live with poor conditions; it's hard enough to keep a home in ideal conditions with a handful of homeschooled children. Someone once told us, when we were in a tough decision making period, that "God doesn't move parked cars"- You might just need to step out on faith and not over analyse the offer. It'd be scary, I know, I'm a comfort zone person. God be with you while you make some tough decisions.

Kimberly

Bean said...

Paul,
Consider the kind offer carefully, but make sure that you don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. It is difficult to live with another family, the "honeymoon" period ends quickly. If you decide to move your family in with the friend of a friends family, make sure that you have a plan to get into your own place ASAP - it will be easier on both families to know that the situation is for 2 months, or 6 months, or whatever timeframe works. Keep in mind, living with another family is stressful, there is little privacy, it is crowded, and you have to learn to "bite your tongue", after a while little things can drive you crazy. We know as we lived with my in-laws for 15 months when we were first married, and again a few years later for 6 weeks when we were closing on a house - it was easier the first time, it was more difficult the 2nd time as we had a couple of children. We also had our daughter, son-in-law, and grandbaby live with us for about a year. All I can say is that it was nice to get into our own home, or get our own home back, depending on the circumstance.

One positive that I see in moving your family, Bethany will not be so isolated and she may find a friend and support system in the wife of the friend of a friend.

Go visit the family, see what the living situation is, how crowded, what are the sleeping arrangements, what expectations do you have, what expectations does the host family have. Other things to consider, how will cooking/mealtime be managed, what about laundry, grocery shopping, housework? Does this family homeschool, and if yes, does your homeschool philosphy jive with theirs?

There are a lot of things to consider, and it may just work while you find somewhere permanent to live.

You guys are in a bad place right now, literally, and emotionally, something has to change.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Bean

Bethany said...

Bean,
Paul will not be home until late this evening. Y-day was his day off from Sears this week, so he had a little "free time" (you know, mowing the yard, baling hay with his Dad, etc.) So, I want to reply, though he might add more later.

Your concerns are exactly what ours are, that is why we have not taken this family (or any other) up on the offer to host us. We just can't make sense of it in our minds. As much as I want to get out of our "sick house", I can't imagine living with another family longer than a few weeks.

We want to get out... we just don't want to get into a worse situation (as you said, the pot into the fire).

I know that Paul is desperate - we all are. But, to this idea, I vote "no."

Bethany

Bean said...

I think you have made a wise decision, one of my biggest concern with moving in with another family plan is: once you give up YOUR home, even as unsatisfactory as it is, you have given up HAVING a home and that is a very frightening prospect for a family of seven to suddenly be homeless - and homeless you would be if you were just temporarily staying with a family - and if things didn't work out, and you had no where to go immediately - your entire family would be in a very precarious situation. Living with mice and mold in a house is preferable to seven people living in your van or a weekly rate motel.

Hang in there, make a decision about where you want to live, you have mentioned moving back to S. IL, if you want to do this Paul needs to start applying for jobs there. The one thing I like about this idea is that you will have family and friends and support if you move back home.

If you decide to remain in MO start looking for a place to move to, but first get a plan together, figure out how much money you need to move, what you can afford, where the best location would be - and then be patient and open minded as you search for a new home.

With everything so up in the air at the moment I am sure it is difficult to make a plan and stay focused, but it will take planning and focus to move forward.

Keeping you in my prayers,

Bean

Paul said...

Kimberly,

Yes, we are slow to make a move. We have have made unwise hasty moves in the past. We are not really in park, as it may appear, we are merely moving at a very slow pace. Yes, it may be imperceptible to most, but we are making progress. Patiently we wait to see where God is taking us as we lumber along.

Bean,

Thank you for your thoughtful counsel. You said a lot of what I was thinking. You also brought up some things that I had not really thought through enough. Your advice is well received and will be carefully weighed into our decision process.

Thank You All,

Paul

Bean said...

Paul and Bethany,
I wish I could give you each a big encouraging/comforting hug - your situation brings tears to my eyes every time I of think of you, please know that I am praying that the Lord give you both the grace and strength needed during these hard times.

Bean

Kimberly said...

Paul and Bethany-

I agree with Bean's words to you, I too wish to send a comforting hug... Speaking from experience, we too have made hasty decisions in times of crisis that then caused grief later on- we've also delayed moving on decisions that have been the cause of grief later on also. Then there have been times, where we've had our feet firmly planted and God moved on a decision any way.

A few years ago, we were up in the air about selling our condo we were rapidly outgrowing the space; to me it was my home, my nest, I didn't want to let it go. Hubby saw the more practical side of our growing family of seven in a two bedroom home with no yard. We listed it and had a buyer, which then forced us (me) to look at other housing options (ie rentals) we found one we liked, near our church, right price... I went to make the deposit on it, the office the prop. manager had was closed up at the time, in the meantime,while I was there, Hubby received a call that the buyer had backed out! God was truly there that day, stopping me from leaving that deposit. It was just a week later when a guy knocked on the door wanting to buy the condo as it was, this time the sale moved right along and I had to roll with it... I was totally an instrument of God, He kept me going... That's what I meant about stepping out on faith, just before the almost sale, we were both ready to pull it off the market- but we didn't, we kept moving, and God saw that- then when the time was right He really moved. It's hard to put into words, we relate with you more than you know, seeing more than our share of tough times. I encourage you to be out looking at other housing options, God will see that and take favor on that. Blessings to you and your handful! Kimberly