Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Difficulty of Dietary Changes

(Edited for clarity 5-7-2013)

Well friends, it has been a month since I first gave up sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Since that time Paul tried to get me to practice "moderation." He wanted me to try eating normal foods with everyone else at church meals and occasional eat-outs. That did not work out so well. It felt good to eat what everyone else ate at church potluck, but it made me tired... and frankly, I felt emotionally miserable too (like I was a "failure"). So, I don't think this kind of "moderation" will work.

Then, last Monday my naturopath told me to cut out carbs, starches, and to limit dairy. So, I have been trying VERY hard to eat as many fruits and veggies as possible. I can tell you, without any exaggeration!, that I have never eaten so many veggies per meal in my life! But, now I am emotionally (and financially!) miserable. You see, I have been working for months to cut back the food budget and yet make whole foods and healthy meals. We were having a lot of whole wheat pasta, homemade bread, brown rice, and white potatoes. Now, I am supposed to be giving all of those things up. That might be okay... if I could afford to by veggies, nuts, seeds, sprouts, etc!

I spent $100 a few days ago on raw veggies, fruits, seeds, and nuts and it is all gone already! We flat out cannot afford to eat veggies until our garden comes in! So, now what? Starving myself does not seem to be a comfortable solution. I don't like being hungry. Yet, that is what I am doing most days... eating very, very little.
And, it is no small wonder then that I am perhaps more of an emotional basket case then I was last week when I went to the Doctor.

There is more to it than that. My whole life is chaos... It is not just about food. But, food is generally the only medium that I can actually control. Now, I cannot even control food.

If you are my friend in real life you can call to encourage me. Better yet, you can pray for me. Because right now nothing sounds quite as good as a Mt. Dew and some homemade brownies.
(And sadly, Mt Dew is a whole lot cheaper than veggies... at least in the immediate future. I have enough sense to see that in the long-run drinking soda is not affordable. Diabetes. Cancer. Chronic fatigue. These are not "cheap." So, I will stick to my "diet," but I am an emotional mess.)

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