Are we monsters?

(Re-posted 8-14-2018. I removed this posting before because I felt scared. Scared of criticism. These are sensitive issues, and hard to open up about publicly. But, I think more good will come from this posting than harm. I pray to that end!)

I found another one today... another blogger, from a certain kind of religious homeschool background, that has left the faith entirely. I don't go looking for these people. I truly believe that God leads me to them for two reasons, and I can't really determine an order of importance here: 1) to warn and caution me of what can happen in my own family if I wander too far down the path of rigid rule-keeping, and 2) to pray for these children and adults who are wounded and angry.

As I have said before, our hearts ought to break for the same things that make God's heart sad. I imagine that God is saddened by the children who leave the faith (whether they come from legalism or liberalism). But, unlike us, God can see the big picture. He knows what is happening in every thread in the tapestry of grace that He is weaving with our lives.

I am seeing more and more people who - as a response to recent scandals and abuse - are withdrawing from the homeschooling movement entirely. I read a lot of bloggers who lump all Christian homeschoolers together as being isolationist, fundamentalist, legalistic people who are inherently dangerous.

We cannot paint all of homeschooling with so broad a stroke as to say that all homeschool children are in danger. We should certainly be aware of signs of abuse when we see them, but we should not expect that all homeschool families are abusive.

Our family still home educates our children. It can be exhausting and challenging. But we love it! However, I will go on record as saying that I do not think that every family should homeschool their children - it's not for everyone. While most of the homeschool families I know appear to be balanced and healthy, I have known some sad situations where a child was not being educated adequately.

It seems like the people coming out of these dangerous, cultic type homeschool groups are the ones who are speaking most loudly against the movement as a whole. Perhaps their experience was limited to meeting only people just like their own dysfunctional families (that is usually how those types of protective groups operate). I am sure there are also a lot of children like the ones I know who grow up being homeschooled and graduate to become happy, healthy people who love the Lord and raise up nice families of their own. Not all homeschool families are monsters! I have no statistics to support this claim, just my own experience.

I think we can be honest and say that there are some dangerous systems of thought and isolation that may lead some families into abuse. But, even then, God can grab people out of danger and set their feet on more firm soil! By the grace of God, this is what He has done for our family. We were being drawn down some dangerous roads, but God has plucked us away from the fire.

The expression that comes to mind is - Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Should we re-evaluate why we are homeschooling? Absolutely!
Should we ask ourselves if our own family is isolationist or abusive? Absolutely!
Should we honestly evaluate if we are fit to be homeschooling our own children? Absolutely!

If you cannot answer all those questions to the affirmative, then I submit to you that maybe you are in danger... Danger of holding an ideal so strongly that you may not be asking God what HE wants for your family.

I believe that most of the families who have emerged from scandal and disgrace originally intended to raise godly children. They meant well! (Just like I mean well!) No parent would go to all the work of homeschooling with ill-will in their hearts. Maybe they just didn't see red flags along the way. Maybe they were lied to by gurus who also meant well. I can't really say. But, I truly believe that they meant to act in a way that pleased the Lord.

So, even though my voice is strongly joined with those who oppose abuse, control, legalism, and performance-based "grace," I will be among the first to admit that none of us is close to perfect! We all make mistakes in our parenting journey. God can redeem what (to us) looks like ruin!

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Cor. 1:3-4 ESV 

Performance-based Christianity will lead to rigid rule keeping. Rigid rule keeping without love will lead to rebellion against God and family. We must balance love and rules to grow healthy, happy children!

Analogy - Going to the gym once a month

I went to the YMCA the other day with my two oldest children to have the wellness coach teach us to use all of the weight lifting equipment. One of the statements the coach kept saying was, “It doesn't matter how much weight you start with, just make sure you have good form and keep at it.” He impressed upon us the importance of 1) just getting started, and 2) sticking with it.

The wellness coach told us about one lady who goes to the Y very irregularly. She will walk on a treadmill for an hour and a half until she is completely burnt out on it, then she stays away from the Y for 6 weeks or so.

I think we Christians, in this same way, have the tendency to think we need to be lifting the whole spiritual pile of weights (whether real or imaginary) all at once. So many times we fall under conviction to do more of some discipline, but rather than try to build up to a reasonable daily amount, we burn out. Take for example Bible reading. The ideal would be to read some amount of Scripture daily. But, all too often, we make the mistake of saying, “oops, I haven't read my Bible for days, I better read two hours today to make up for it.” Then, like the lady at the YMCA, we get burnt out and leave the Bible untouched on the nightstand for a week.

What if we try to look at spiritual disciplines like we do our physical disciplines? We cannot lift a whole stack of weights on our first day at the gym. We have to build up to that, right?

Here are some of the disciplines that are important to some believers (this is a variety to cover a broad range of denominations): Bible reading, prayer, keeping a spiritual/prayer journal, fasting, telling others about the Lord, reading Christian books, Scripture memorization, learning a catechism, etc.

Not all of those weights will be lifted in one day. But, I think it would be wise over time to build up our strength level. A mature Christian should be more disciplined in their daily devotions that a new believer. But, it is never too late to start now. The important thing is to start small, what you can reasonably carry right now, and stick with it! Reading one Bible verse a day and pondering on it throughout the day is better than reading nothing at all! (And, I submit to you that sometimes reading one verse a day and meditating on it can be the best thing a sleep-deprived mama can do!)

Too often I have felt like a “bad Christian” because I didn't read a long enough portion in my Bible daily. We do not need to be adding guilt to our weary souls by setting someone else's standards as our own. Just because some blog author reads two hours a day, prays an hour a day, and journals daily doesn't mean that God expects this of you. Give yourself grace in these disciplines! You know what you can handle.

If I go to the gym to lift weights and get healthy, but I max out on every machine and come home grumpy – how does this help my family? Likewise, if you try to participate in every spiritual discipline to the point of exhaustion and yelling at your husband or children – you are not helping yourself or your family.

Just get started with something and stay with it. Keep building on slowly.

Nature walk

 Arrow Rock State Park, Missouri

Click any photo to bring up the enlargements page

I had the boys all to myself while the girls were in their quilting lesson.
The boys and I had a blast!

Lydia (left), Rebecca (right)

The whole group.
Tallest to shortest (which, for now, is still oldest to youngest):
Rebecca, Nelson, Lydia, Joshua, Josiah, Jeremiah

Analogy - Take care of Sin

I know that I have a "bad back." I worked at Hardees' fast food chain in my teen years. One day I was running outside to take a bag of food to a waiting customer and I fell on my tailbone. I have never been the same since. But, I have discovered that going to the chiropractor helps to manage my condition... if I go regularly.

At the end of July, I noticed that we had some mice coming into the house. And, since we found a few mice in my room, I wanted to check thoroughly for a nest. I emptied the closets. I removed all the furniture except the bed. Then Paul said that I better check the bed just to be safe. Rebecca was busy and Paul was at work, so Nelson and I attempted to move the king bed . . . alone. Starting the next day my back "went out." Meaning, I could not sit on my tail bone, I could not walk, I could not bend, I could hardly move. The only position that was remotely comfortable was lying flat on my back.

I had re-injured my sacroiliac.

I knew what to do about it. Rest (of, yeah, I did plenty of that!). Ice. And, go to the chiropractor. But, I thought I would be brave and stick it out. My intention was to save Paul money. We pay $40 out of pocket each time I visit my chiropractor. I know that money is well spent, but I thought if I could just wait that I would get better on my own.

I waited three weeks!

I never improved on my own. I started crying more from the pain and from exasperation. Finally, we made an appointment. The doctor adjusted my spine, hips, and tailbone and I walked out of the office on air. I felt like I could have walked home.

But, in the van, the pain came back. In the next week my pain became more severe, yet not as bad as it originally was. I made another appointment. The doctor adjusted those same areas again. I felt amazing. Then, in the van the pain returned. (I have since ordered tailbone and lumbar support pillows for my van, by the way.)

I ended up going back four days later. This time I asked him, "Is this an issue of muscle memory, or something like that?" His reply was, "Exactly, if you had come in as soon as you were injured, it may have taken only one visit to correct the problem. But, since you waited nearly a month, your muscles had time to get comfortable in the wrong position. Now your other muscles are spasming as they all try to remember how to work together."

It has been about 3 months now. And, I am still not completely healed to where I was before the incident in July. I have been to the chiropractor more times that I can remember, each time is spaced out a little farther than the one before. I am still stubborn about going as often as I need to because I am trying to save money. And, perhaps that is why after 3 months I am still not healed...

Here is where the analogy comes in - When we sin, our spirits get out of alignment. We, as Christians, are to walk by the spirit and not walk according to the flesh. When we sin, our flesh "muscles" and our spirit "muscles" are spasming against each other as both try to regain control. The longer we go without confessing that sin to the Lord and repenting of it, the more those same sin habits take hold. It would be best to repent and confess right away, so that The Great Physician can realign our hearts, minds, and spirits. A sin problem will not go away if we wait and try to get better on our own. The longer we wait the more the flesh begins to corrupt the health of our spirit.

If we confess our sins, 

He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins 

and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I John 1:9 NASB

I hope this story and analogy resonates in your heart today as it does in mine.

My Girls

My "little" girls are both storytellers and writers. I am quite happy with their desire to sit and write for amusement. In fact, with Rebecca, writing seems to be a compulsion (like it is with me).

Right now, Rebecca (age 13) is writing an imaginative short story about walking the dog in Arrow Rock. And it is fun-ny! I opened her composition notebook last night to read her story (which she has been willingly sharing with us), and I found a great surprise! There were a handful of other short stories in her notebook! And, they are all good! She said she started writing down stories when she was 11. I was surprised by this and a little alarmed. Why didn't she tell me?! She said that she "just never thought to tell me." And, that she didn't think the stories were any good. (That sounds like me too.)

Lydia (age 10) wrote a cute little story Saturday about a black widow spider who was a spy. Such a creative little girl! I had to spell a lot of words for her, but it was worth the effort. I would spell words all afternoon (and I did) just to help kindle my little girl's desire to write!

Impressions

(Re-posted 8-14-2018. I originally removed this post because it is a corollary to another post that I had previously removed. I need to stop being scared of what people think of me.)

I didn't mean to give the impression (with my quiverful post) that I am angry and depressed all of the time. I am not. But, when I have flare ups in my health, it is easier to become angry and depressed.

I love my family. I am so pleased with the young men and young ladies who live under my roof! Sometimes I am dumb-founded at who they are becoming! They all simply amaze me!

And, I can honestly say that I have had a hand in that. Paul did not raise these children alone. I am hard on myself (especially when I am sick), but I have to admit that I shared in the task of raising these fine children. So, I really have to admit that even with all the junk we have been through that we must be doing something right. Even though I complain (a lot) about being sick, we are still pressing through this whole parenting business.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, because we are all sinners. But, we can do our best day by day to love our children, teach them with grace, and apologize when we screw up. That's about the best any of us can do.

So, please do not think I am sitting here in despair. I am not. God has redeemed what I had considered ruined.

God will lead me (us) to raise these children for Him!
-----------
By the way, I published a poem on the other blog today. Thoughts on John 15

Broken Vessels Drowning in the Storm

(Re-posted 8-14-2018. I try to be so careful not to write things that are "divisive," that I sometimes erase my posts. I need to remember that, though people may disagree with me, what I say may be helpful to someone.)

The things that break the heart of God ought to be the very things that break our hearts.

One of the things that breaks my heart is the HOARDS of people who are leaving Christianity, leaving the Lord, because they were formerly involved in a legalistic, religious group.

My heart is breaking. I have read enough of these blogs to have noticed a pattern. These people probably never had a full understanding of the REAL Jesus Christ!
You wouldn't want to walk away from the REAL Jesus.
You would feel LOVED by the real Jesus, even if you hate some of the groups that call themselves the church.

I do NOT mean this as an attack on those who have left "the faith." Believe me when I say that I do understand the battle! The battle to separate "is this really who God is" from "is this another lie?" And, I do not think it is a sin to ask questions to get to the bottom of why do we believe what we believe.

Some of the people who are leaving legalism for atheism were once strong "believers" in something. They worked hard to do everything that they believed the Lord wanted them to do. These are often the people who think in terms of a checklist - Am I wearing the right clothes? Check. Am I listening to the right music? Check. And so on.

 I know, because I am a recovering checklist Christian. And, the more items I could check off, the more assured I could be of God's love for me. Performance-based Christianity is not the true Gospel.

The problem is, so many of these checklists are purely man-made.

I am not recommending that we begin living without any law or governor. A Christian has the Holy Spirit to guide and direct his steps. But, I am suggesting that it is time that we stop making the Gospel harder than it really is. And, clearly it is hard enough just to believe and confess - or there would be a whole lot more Christians.

I am heart-broken for these hurting and broken "former-Christians" who have left the faith entirely!

I weep when I read their blogs.

I agonize at how close our family has come (at points) to following in the same path.

I want to throw out a lifeline to these people who are drowning in a sea of pain!

Would the REAL JESUS please step forward?! 

Father God, I am begging you to please stretch your hand to these dear ones of yours who are broken and faithless. You know the pain they endured at the hands of false religion. You see their secret scars. You know it all! And, you still love them. Show them how much you love them, Lord! Send genuine believers to help them bear their burdens in a loving way! Send genuine Christians who will love them! And, in doing so reflect your true heart for them. I know you as Helper, Healer, Friend, Savior, and so much more. Please reveal yourself to these dear hurting souls! Please don't leave them in despair Lord. Reach in and rescue your lost sheep, in Jesus Name, Amen.

Crying Out (Against Quiverfull)

Re-posted 8-14-2018: I wrote this years ago. I un-posted it, because it was clearly a bitter rant. But, sometimes I think raw emotions need to be exposed. Today, as I re-read these agonizing thoughts I remember the pain that I was feeling when I wrote it. I am no longer in that same place. I am moving forward towards healing. I post this now, with a clear, un-hurting heart/mind. I think someone out there can relate and it might help them. But, I will add, there are feelings in this post that come up every now and then - usually when I have a fibro flare up. 

Post written by Bethany (edited - with some additions - by Paul)


A while back, I did I google search on "quiverful ruined my life." I didn't find anything helpful. I was looking for a woman who came out of quiverful and yet retained her belief in God. But, all I see is hurting women, men, children and families who have abandoned the faith entirely. If you doubt this, click the link and read for yourself. (Quiverful/quiverfull is the understanding that modern Christians should not use birth control or try to "play God" by efforts to prevent pregnancy, because children are a blessing from the Lord. The term comes from Psalm 127:3-5.)

Sometimes I just want to cry out. I want to scream. I want to grab a handful of Above Rubies magazines and burn them in effigy.

I am a woman who has been badly wounded. I have been lied to. I have been persuaded that the Lord wanted me to be "quiverful" (among other things) to please Him. I hate quiverful. Quiverful ruined my life. Or, at least, it nearly has. I beat myself up daily for not being and doing all that I feel has been put upon me.

For the record: It was a joy to me to have my babies! I loved each and every pregnancy! I prayed for every one of those babies! I wanted more babies! And, when I miscarried a baby in summer 2013 I wept bitterly. I am not trying to speak against the children I have!

Paul and I were formerly sold out to being quiverfull. I used to blog in favor of it. How I kick myself now for leading other women into bondage! I was a blind guide! I continually ask, "God, please, if I led any woman/family into that lifestyle, please set them free!"

I hate when people place burdens onto others that they cannot help them carry. I read books, magazines, and blogs that craftily used Scripture to persuade me to be quiverfull. But, where were those authors and their proponents when I was sick? When I was disabled? When we were in poverty and couldn't afford to feed our family?

I have read comments on blogs by women who were afraid of quiverfull, because they couldn't afford it. And, I have read the rebuttals of the blog authors that said those women just lacked faith.

It is possible that I even wrote such garbage!

Excuse me, but it is wisdom to know that you cannot afford to bring another baby into the world when you can't feed your current set of kids when you live in a house owned by a drunken slumlord. It is wisdom to know that your body is still recovering from childbirth and you need time to heal. It is wisdom to admit that your mental stability is so taxed from the children that you already have that you are struggling to love your family at its current size. I could go on and on here. (Again, I love my children. I want my children.)

God does give His children the strength to do and be all that He has called them to do or commanded them to do. Furthermore, if you now have children, then you must trust that God will sustain you in being a parent. But, I no longer believe that God has required it of anyone to have as many children as their body can produce. A person's quiver could be full at one or eleven. And, I think many of the expectations that we place on ourselves are not God's desires at all, but ours or some spiritual gurus'.

I recently read an article, written on a quiverful blog, which spoke of women being lazy and undisciplined if they didn't have a nice meal waiting on hubby when he came home from work. This same author also said it was lazy when a woman didn't take care of her body and/or go to the gym to stay fit. I was so angry that I wanted to vomit. (I will go on record to say that Paul never expected these things! I did expect to do these things, because it seemed from my extensive reading that other women were able to accomplish all these tasks and more.)

WHY?

Why do we place these unrealistic expectations upon families? And the poor mothers of these quiverful families? They are often disabled from years of weariness. They smile at church because they think they have to. They can't share their pain with anyone. They live in fear, they are on the edge, falling apart.

I can share my pain now. I am crying out. Quiverfull is not beautiful. It is bondage. And, even now, I am not really truly free. Why? Because I dread posting this now and having people seeing what a turn-coat I am. Some people will be proud of me... no doubt. Others will be appalled. It is the latter group that I am still cowering to. That is because there is so much spiritual and emotional abuse tied into all of this. I hurt when I think about the chief quiverful gurus thinking ill of me. Yes, I am a woman trying to be free from past bondage; however, like a woman in an abusive relationship, I am looking back with strange feelings. I have this mixture of hatred of the movement, loathing of myself, and (at the same time) wishing I could have made it work and stayed in their circle. When you can walk the walk and talk the talk you can be greatly loved, valued, admired and doted upon.

How many years till I am free from all this bondage?! I have been taking small steps since 2011. I started writing posts like this one and this one. It has been two steps forward, one step back.

So, why is this all coming on again?

Why am I writing about this today?

Anger! 

I am angry. I am angry with myself that I got sucked into these lies. (Not just quiverful, but the whole slippery slope that usually goes with it.) I am also angry with the men and women who write about quiverful to persuade others to join their conviction. 

I used to be one of those people! 

I am struggling with forgiving myself for that. (Yes, I can hear those who say, if God has forgiven you, then who are you to think your opinion is more important than God's? Yeah... I hear ya. I get that. But, I just can't let it go. And, chances are, there are things in your own life - skeletons in your own closet - that you have a hard time forgiving too. Some days it is harder than others.)

But, here we are now. We have six kids. We still homeschool. And, our family is really struggling. We are hurting badly. And, most days I want to cry out. Does anyone know what pain I am feeling? Is there anyone who can relate? I feel so alone. The average Christian thinks quiverful is odd (at best) and cultic (at worst). I agree. It is cultic, because it adds to the Gospel. In order to please God you must accept Jesus as your Savior AND have as many babies as possible before your body gives out.

But, as I was saying, the average Christian doesn't understand how I got into such a strange movement anyway. And, they simply cannot understand my daily agony. They offer no support.

The group that is still faithfully filling their quiver - well, they probably feel sorry for me. I can't talk to them... because I don't need any more condemnation. So, that leaves me with people like me.

But, you know what? It doesn't seem like there are very many women who have left quiverfull and kept their faith!

What does that say to you?! 

I lumped a lot of different things together into this one blog. However, they often run hand in hand. And, if you are thinking about posting Scripture to persuade me that I am wrong - please realize that you may only be exalting yourself and wounding me more. I have already been battered by the Bible, browbeaten by the twisting of Scripture.

We have been coming out of bondage for years now! Yet, I still feel entrapped. Every time I pick up my fork to eat something, or pick out an outfit for the day, or think about schooling options - I see things through so many sets of lenses that my head spins.

I am going to stay on this journey to freedom. I am going to strip away all the false lenses as God keeps working on me. I trust that the Lord will hold me near and that I won't leave Him as so many others have while on this journey. I still love the Lord. Our family still prays together, reads the Bible, goes to church, etc. But, we are wounded... and the gash doesn't seem to be healing quickly. I will find healing. I will find freedom. I know there is Peace with God. I have had it from time to time. But, I know He has a permanent stream of overflowing grace. As I discover it, I will bathe in it. I will be free.

I pray this blesses you. I considered before posting this whether it would be "divisive." I hope you can hear my heart. I am not trying to make war with anyone or divide the body of Christ. I am writing this and posting it to encourage other women/families in my shoes. I doubt that I am the only one who has been processing these types of thoughts. (Especially in light of all the recent fallen leaders and spiritual abuse that is making headlines. Though, our journey began long before big named patriarchy leaders were scandalized.)


P.S - I am not saying that I will never have more children. What we are saying -Paul and I are in agreement- we are now allowing ourselves the liberty of keeping the dialogue of that decision between God and ourselves (Humanly speaking, of course.)

ADDED Sept. 29, 2015 - I wrote above that I couldn't forgive myself. I was able to turn that particular burden over to the Lord. I am guilt-free. I love my children. I serve them all to the best of my ability each and every day. I do not regret having children (and some days I think it would be nice to have another one). What I was saying above is that no one should tell someone else that they must have more children to please the Lord. I do not believe that birth control is a sin. Though, I do believe that ultimately it is GOD who opens and closes the womb of a woman as He guides and directs our steps day to day.

Father, please send this message forth in love and peace. My heart is clean before You and I ask that this post will be read with discernment and love. I am not wanting to divide the Body of Christ. You know, Lord, that I am wanting to use this post to bring healing to the broken - which I feel is your heart for the Body. Please usher in Your Healing Power to those who are still in the bitter, angry stage, and keep moving me forward towards complete peace, love and joy. It's in Jesus Name that I pray, Amen.

New photos

I haven't posted too many pictures of the family lately. It's time to amend that.

On September 24, Rebecca and I worked at the Arrow Rock Children's Craft Festival. I was in the parlor of one of the town's historic homes teaching children about parlors in the 1800's. Rebecca was out behind the house demonstrating how to wash and dry laundry "the old fashioned way." She even had the opportunity to dump the wash tubs at the end of the day! We both enjoyed dressing in costume for this event! (Click on any photo to bring up the enlargement.)

Rebecca, age 13

 Now, you are no doubt thinking, "Wow, Becca sure has grown! What do the other children look like now?" So, here you go -

Nelson, age 11

Josiah -age 5, Nelson - age 11

Nelson, age 11

Paul and myself with our whole tribe, along with my parents at the Arrow Rock J. Huston Tavern

In Arrow Rock - Rebecca (13), Lydia (10), Joshua (8), Josiah (5), Jeremiah (3), Nelson (11)

Joshua - age 8

Summer fun!

Paul (just before he turned 40!) and Jeremiah (3)

Lydia (10)

Did you see . . .

Did you see that I have posted two analogies and a short story on my other blog? Stop by and take a look.

Family Update

Time is marching on in the Woods family. I thought it was high time for an update.

Paul is still working for the prison. I would be lying if I implied that he likes the work. But, he is grateful to have had this job for over a year now. The work is not strenuous to his back. If anything, the job is too sedentary for his liking. But, at least he is not straining his back injuries. He always has his eyes open for other employment, but so far it seems that God must want Paul to remain in the prison. We trust that He has a plan.

I am feeling all right. My lower back (sacroliliac) has been bothering me for three months now. I have not been able to help with hay all summer. What's worse, I was not able to even walk, sit, or move comfortably for the first six weeks. I am working with the chiropractor and I am now about 90% better. I have re-gained most of my range of motion. I can sit on a chair without pain. I can walk enough to do my mothering duties. I cannot bend, lift, or twist. I cannot work out. But, I know I am on the right path to full recovery.

Rebecca turned 13 in March! I am pleased with her level of maturity. She has great discipline for schoolwork, even though her dyscalculia frustrates her progress. I have truly never known a young lady like Rebecca. She is still doing most of the cooking and cleaning around the house (even though my back is more compliant these days). She doesn't want me to "overdo it" and have a set back. Rebecca is quite interested in quilting, but time and money prevent her from enjoying the hobby as she would like. She also still loves horses, reading, writing, and playing with the other children. The new change in Rebecaa's life was that she learned to swim this summer and now she is training to be on the YMCA swim team. She has progressed rapidly and thoroughly enjoys swimming. I would have to say that swim team is her favorite hobby at present.

Nelson has also learned to swim. He is training for the swim team as well, but he does not love the disciplined swimming like Becca does. He just likes to play and swim for leisure. Nelson is overcoming his dyslexia. It seems that someone (God) "flipped the switch" and suddenly Nelson is reading! I couldn't be more happy! His favorite book to read me is the Bible. Not only does he read it, but he comprehends it! He is asking me such thoughtful questions about the passages we read. I am very happy with his progress. Nelson's favorite hobby is anything to do with art (photography, drawing, computer design, etc).

Lydia is ten now! She is making great strides in school as well. Her dyselxia was not as severe as Nelson's, but she has had much to overcome. Lydia's favorite hobby is enjoying nature. She calls all bugs "cute" or "adorable." She gets frustrated when someone kills a spider - which is her favorite type of bug. Lydia has learned to swim as well. But, like her mama, she gets cold and tired quickly and requires a lot of sleep to recover.

Joshua is another little overcomer! I shudder when I think of the challenges that this little guy has faced in the past years. First, his ears were blocked and he was nearly deaf. He did not speak. Then, we discovered he was nearly blind. Once he was able to see and hear we started school with him. At first he progressed rapidly, then he suddenly "lost" everything. I do not know the cause (I assume it was mold exposure). But, we had to start again with the basics. I am greatly pleased with his hard work and determination! This is his year!

Josiah is five. He is learning his letters and numbers. He likes to hear chidlren's books read to him. He loves playing in the YMCA pool. I am certain he is part fish and will be swimming in no time. Joey's favorite hobby is snuggling.

Jeremiah is three. He is still a happy little guy. He is definitely the baby of the family. He has been babied for quite a while. But, he is also growing into little boyhood. He enjoys playing at the park, throwing balls, and listening to books being read.

Our new home is working out well for us. So far as we can tell the house is free of mold! It is the biggest house we have ever lived in.  Rebecca even has her own sewing room (though it doubles as  the library). The children are split into pairs and we still have a guest room. The only complaint we have is that the yard is not as big as we would like. But, we think we will be content to stay here until we can buy our "forever home."

I think that hits the main points. I will try to write more often now that I have a phone that doubles as a hot spot. I hope you are all doing well! I will try to visit your blogs soon!

Spring - An April Update

(whoops, I forgot to publish this one)

It is Spring and my body is still waking from hibernation. I did not have much pain this past winter, but my energy levels were quite low. Even though I felt better I think my health was still subpar.

I recently read Stepping Heavenward again. Always a pleasure. I love the writing style. I love the primary characters. Reading the book again challenged me. Along with my physical hibernation I have also been struggling spiritually. Doubt. Bitterness. Anxiety. All the chief players were taking shots at me and I didn't fight back... I guess I was too tired to do so. But, reading the book seemed to have jerked my spiritual heart out of cardiac arrest.

I see now more than ever how Christian fiction truly can touch lives. I want to write books that encourage people to look up from whatever is dragging them down. I want to write books that improve people's lives. This is no short order. I need to keep praying.

There are different seasons of life. And, I know that (after God) family comes first. I will not add anything to my life that will harm my family. My husband is great about helping me to see a big picture. But, this I know, I love writing. And when I am not writing, I am not happy. I don't mean that I have to write public blogs or books. But, I am compelled to write something. I need to keep praying about what that "something" should be.

Indicator

I have been meditating on John 13:34-35 this week.

I've had these verses memorized for many years, but it hit me again...

Jesus does not say that Christians will be known by their: apparel, Bible translation, denomination, worship practices or any other thing that we Christians can be tempted to quarrel over. No. Jesus says the world will know we are Christians by our love.

I have a lot of work to do.

Ordinary

I mentioned in my post yesterday that I read through my first blog (what is left of it). The posts I enjoyed most were not deep and theological. I liked reading about my family - how the children were growing, what we did in school, etc. I think I will write more of that everyday, ordinary stuff and leave the deep thinking and writing to people who are better equipped for it.

Health update: This has been, by comparison, my best winter in years. I still have more fatigue that I wish to have, but I am not in any pain. I am able to function fairly well. Compared to this time last year I am doing amazingly well! When I ponder the comparison between this winter and last winter I just shake my head. I thank God that I can walk, move, and clothe myself this year. I can even use my hands enough to write short notes and play piano. I will admit that sometimes I am unhappy with my present state. I wish I had more energy and less exhaustion. But, I am working to be continually grateful for the health I have! 

Kid update:

Rebecca (almost age 13) is greatly interested in quilting right now. She is currently working on a baby quilt for a cousin. She enjoys hard work and sits down only to read. She loves reading great novels like Pride and Prejudice. 

Nelson (11) is quite gifted with engineering. His mind makes quick work of anything mechanical. He doesn't care for math paper work, but the gears in his brain are clearly designed for mathematics.

Lydia (9) does not really seem to have any grand interests. She likes to play with all the children and she helps some with chores too. She is probably not the child that would most stand out when you meet my family, but she is a jewel nonetheless. I expect that in the coming years her interests and tastes will blossom and she will become more of an individual and less just one of the family. But, for now, I am completely okay with her being a part of all of us!

Joshua (7) is having some trouble with reading and writing, but he is a bright boy. He likes to build towers and play with the other children. Like Lydia, he doesn't really stand apart from the family right now. He seems to be happy just to belong with the rest of us.

Josiah (5) is smart... and that makes him trouble. I think he has always had a little bit of spark that set him apart from all the other children. From the time he became mobile he has kept me on my toes! He likes to play with the other children, but can also be very independent. 

Jeremiah (3) is still my baby, but he is quite a big little man. He is a sweet and sensitive little guy. 

School:

We are still homeschooling. Most days I expect more of myself and the children. And, Paul tells me that my expectations are unrealistic. But, I sure wish I could pat myself on the back at the end of the day and really feel like I completed a task well. But, home educating is not really an instant gratification activity. Some days I wish I could go out and mow the yard (too bad it's winter) just to feel like I started and ended a project. Home educating can be both maddening and rewarding. I am in a season of great fatigue and fault-finding, so I won't discuss this topic any more this evening.

Diet:

We went gluten free on January 1st of this year (...again!). This is yet another experiment for my chronic illness. Some days I think going gluten free is a great help yet other days I am not sure it is worth the time and expense. But, in the end, our lab work and food diaries show sensitivities to grains. In short, we are trying to eat more veggies.

That's all for now. I need to go to bed.

Time Marches On

Today I re-visited my first blog, Grace in Bloom, that I wrote from 2008-2010. What a blast from the past. Our family sure has been on quite a journey these past several years. I thought I would end the night by adding a few more recent photos... it's been a while!

Me and my flute... and the neighbor's kitty.












Below: Rebecca (age 12) with her first completed quilting project - a sampler.

 

Below: Lydia (age 9) with her first quilting block.

Joshua (age 7).

Below: Jeremiah (age 3) drying the dishes.

Below: Nelson (age 11).

Above left: Josiah (just before turning 5) and Jeremiah (just before turning 3).
Above right: The blue hand is mine. I have Raynaud's Syndrome. That was certainly not the bluest I have seen it... but it is still yucky.

Below: Paul and I, August 2014.