Balance 2020

Every year I choose one word on which to focus. It's an acknowledgement that I need growth in a certain area. As an example, two other words I chose in recent years were joy and gratitude. The words I considered for 2020 were Balance, Purpose and Priorities (hmmm, anyone see a theme there?). Little did I know what challenges faced me in 2020 as I tentatively penned those words in my pocket-sized journal.

How has Balance changed my life in 2020? 

Have you ever seen a Kibitzer Chair? We had one growing up. It's a three-legged chair that feels a little unsteady at times. Figuring out my purpose and priorities in 2020 to achieve BALANCE is a little like sitting on a kibitzer chair. In the end, it comes down to three things for me: spiritual health, mental/emotional health, and physical health. You can read a little bit more about my great balancing act of 2020 here. 

In general, we live in a myopic society that generally focuses on one discipline at a time. Don't get me wrong, I know that we all have seasons in which growth is slow or needs to be focused in one area. I'm just saying that what I am learning about myself is that if I focus too much on one area my kibitzer chair topples. 

How will you balance your priorities in the new year? Have you started thinking about a word or a Bible verse to focus on in 2021? How can I help to encourage you to take the time and energy to pursue spiritual, mental/emotional, and physical health in these next 12 months? 

One Hard Year

I don't know about you, but sometimes I let my current circumstances pour over into my faith. This has a way of making my faith falter at times. I want a FIRM FOUNDATION kind of faith that doesn't get weak in the knees at the sight of conflict.

Twenty-twenty has been a ridiculously hard year for many of us. Financial problems, bankruptcies, job issues, marital conflicts, sick family, increase in suicide. Everyone is touched by 2020 in some way. 

Has 2020 made you lose faith? Or has it forced you to grow in your faith? I am in the latter category. Metaphorically, 2020 has felt like a year-long spin class and my legs are jelly. How is it that I can keep going when life hurts so badly? What does it look like to keep pedaling?

For starters, I need to remember that I am not cycling in the trek of faith alone. I'm riding tandem with the Lord. There are days when I have no strength left in me to fight. No strength to pedal one more rotation. The Lord has carried me through some of the hardest days of my life this past year. Having struggled in the past with depression, it truly is amazing that I am still upright in light of how much I've endured this year. Without a doubt, God carried me through. But, I have my part to do as well.

There are some things that have fortified me on the hardest of days (in no particular order, they have all been life-savers). 

- Worship Music. Praise and worship music has gotten me through some crazy hard days. When I focus my heart and mind on music that elevates the Lord it becomes harder to wallow in my own pain. Let me know if you need recommendations for music!

- Bible reading. I don't even want to think about where I would be without constantly filling my mind with the Promises of Scripture. For one, God has promised never to leave me or forsake me. In a year like 2020, we need to remind ourselves of that promise daily! Bible reading and prayer are essential parts of each day! Can I encourage you with your Bible reading? Just let me know how I can help.

- Essential Oils - I had a hysterectomy the first week of March which triggered a major pain flare-up.   The pain was extraordinary, and after trying every pain management method that I had on hand, I had to expand my horizons. I enrolled with Young Living at the end of March. I was able to bring my pain under control with Panaway and the CBD muscle rub. In June, I added in NingXia Red as a 30-day challenge. The difference in my health was so profound that I just kept on taking 2oz every day. Since that time, I have added in oils for my mental health as well. I now use JOY and Inner Child every morning to start my day. And, I use Progessence to help me with my hormone health. Lastly, I added in CBD oil for anxiety. Send me a message if you want to know more about any of these aids to my wellness journey.

- Walking - One of my friends asked for accountability in her own health journey. She wanted to start walking a mile a day for 100 days. I said, "I'm in!" And I joined in her 100 miles in 100 days challenge. I am currently sitting at 91/100! But, I believe that - for me, all of the motivation in the world would not have been enough if I hadn't started the NingXia Red first. My body was depleted and completely drained, I had to get in some amazing nutrition before I could even walk one mile.

- Writing - My writing has not all been for public viewing lately. I write a lot and burn it (literally). It's been that kind of year. Journaling, blogging, Facebook posting. Pretty much any writing is good for my mental health. (One of my unexpected gifts this year was a new-to-me Chromebook. Someone gave it to us yesterday, that is why I am able to write a blog today!)

- Therapy - I started "talk therapy" this past summer. I knew I needed an unbiased outside aid to help me unravel the mess of thoughts in my head. Writing is great! Friends are great! But, the counselor is the missing piece to help me on my healing journey. We go to the doctor when we are sick, we go to a cardiologist if we need a heart specialist. Why shouldn't we also go to a counselor when we need to talk about the problems that we are facing that seem insurmountable on our own? Think of it as a different type of heart specialist. ;)

All of these things, plus the love and concern of friends, have gotten me through one of the hardest seasons of my life. I keep pedaling. How can I encourage you to keep pressing on? Send me an email at flutefelicity@aol.com 

Are you interested in trying essential oils? I can help you out with that too. Follow this link to either enroll with Young Living or to place a retail order. To enroll, click "get started" and choose one of the great starter kits and future orders are at wholesale pricing! For a retail order, click "no thanks" and continue to the retail ordering page. 

What is your brand?

The other night I saw a sign for a certain farm store in an unfamiliar town and it got me to thinking.

Even before I saw the sign, I recognized the store by its color scheme, layout, etc. You know how when a new chain grocery store, gas station, or fast food place is being built in your town - and you can identify the building shape and color even before the "Future Home" sign goes up?

In a way, for better or worse, Christians have branding too. For a long time my outer shell reflected a heart of legalism within. People I passed at the store were able to brand me - "legalistic," "ultraconservative," "home schooler," or "fundamental," to name a few. They recognized my outward adorning before they could ever get a chance to see my heart.

I am sorry to say that within the past month I saw my older teens avoid an aisle at the store to stay far away from conservative Christians with a particular appearance. My kids felt judged just seeing a family that they have never met. I am sad about that. Yes, we have been wounded by ultraconservative Christianity. Yes, we wounded others when we were in some of the most exclusive sects of Faith. But, that does not give us the right to assume that those outward adornments mean that an individual is unloving or dangerous. Like I said, you may recognize the outward adorning before you see a person's real heart.

This isn't just about people who wear long skirts, or head coverings, or long hair. Think about it. What about a linen frock? A sari? Or a Kippah (Jewish hat)? Or Amish dress? Or any religion/sect that dresses in a marked way?

As for true Christians, our branding needs to fall in line with John 13:34-35.

I give you a new commandment: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciple, if you have love for one another. HCSB

Our brand is LOVE.

I am not advocating for any type of dress in this post. I am advocating love. I am saying that we should live in such a way that people can see our hearts. In a world where a person is certainly not encouraged to "wear your heart on your sleeve," I urge you to let love shine.
Matt 5:16 says to "let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven." (ESV, emphasis mine).
So, according to that verse - people are to be drawn to God, through me. I am to be life-giving and preserving like salt, I ought not to repel people. And, I should act in a way to bring glory to God.

Granted, I am still a sinner. A forgiven sinner, but none the less a sinner. Not every individual action of mine will bring glory to God. However, if I live my life in a way that oozes mercy for myself and others (yes, giving my own self grace for my own mistakes too. Because if God can forgive me, I should be able to forgive me). If I live in a lifestyle of continually looking to Jesus to help me to love more, to grow more, to give more - that WILL bring Him glory. The trajectory of my life will be an upward, Heavenward motion. It should have momentum. That brings Him glory.

So, what are you known for? What brand is your Christianity? Are people getting to see your true heart for the Lord? Is it possible that you are letting external adornments prevent others from see you... or preventing you from seeing others? How can you live in a way that best brings glory to the Father? What good works are you doing in the world? Is your behavior and righteousness surpassing that of the Scribes and Pharisees? (see Matt 5:20 in its context)

I am challenged. I was motivated to write most of this out in my journal the other night after my Bible reading.
I am challenged. How about you?

Taking an ax to the log in my eye

I wrote yesterday that God knows us well. He knows me well and sometimes answers my prayers in ways that get my attention in a big way. Today was another one of those days.

The news has been full of hatred, violence and racism. I pray for our nation. I pray that we would learn to love. I pray that we would be stretched to let our love and compassion cover the poor, the "ugly," the smelly, the ones who don't look like we do, the ones who don't drive cars like we do, the drug dealers, the meth addicts, the rich, etc. I've been praying for myself specifically that I would learn to love people like Jesus does. And, I have asked God to show me my own blind spots and weak points. (You know... that verse about ignoring the log in your own eye, while picking out the speck in someone else's eye?)

This afternoon, I had to get dog food and a few other items at Wal-Mart. I had just picked up my generic gallon-sized zipper bags when an older guy spoke to me. "You are a woman. What cleaner has ammonia in it?" He came off a bit brusque, to be sure. And, since he was wearing a mask, I had no idea what his countenance looked like. (Generally I read people by their countenance more than clothes or physical features. I rarely notice pimples or crooked teeth, but I do see desperation, sadness, depression, joy, laughter, etc.) He was a white-haired, white guy with blue eyes. But, you guys, fear triggered in my heart. I forced it down with a little laugh (another safety and defense mechanism) and chose to find humor in his opening remark.

Now, you guys know I love people. I'm an extrovert. I often talk to strangers in stores or anywhere else. I like to make the world feel warmer by smiling at strangers. But, the mask triggered me. (When you are healing from PTSD, you have to know your triggers. It's step one to overcoming them.) I answered him politely, "I believe Windex would be your best bet." And, part of me wanted to walk away, but another part of me said to take the time to give this guy a few moments of my attention. I asked, "What do you want ammonia for?" He answered to spray on trash cans to keep the raccoons away. He asked me to help read labels and help him find the best product. You guys, I admit it, my fear went up another notch. What are his motives? What does he really want from me? My purse is on my arm - check. I don't have valuables or a child in the cart - check. I can see other people nearby - check. Yes, I actually thought through that in a flashing second before I walked closer to him.

You guys, what we have in this world is a sin problem. I love "little old men." Ask my family. I really adore little old men. I used to have so much fun serving my retired customers at Hardees. I have only good memories of little old men. But, I have a distrusting traumatized heart. You know that checklist I ran through? There is nothing wrong with having a safety check in your mind. Especially if you have been a victim of abuse, rape or violence. There are legit dangers in the world! (Our family has become even more aware of this since Paul has become a corrections officer.) What I am saying is that the world is full of sin.  It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, or a person of color. We are all full of sin.
That's why we need Jesus! 

There have been times when I needed to ignore problems outside of my home and focus on my own healing. Sometimes living in "survival mode" for years means that I have to shut out all problems but my own. (And, I think that you can do that for a season.) But, some days you wake up and think, "I can't hide my head in the sand anymore. I can't stay silent." I mean this in many areas of life, not just racism - which I mention today because it is the news feature that currently reflects our need for change.

You guys, our world has a problem. Every day we see that people are full of hatred. Families dividing over politics. Friendships ending over gender-sexuality issues. Cities at war over racism.

There is fighting, division, and protest because there needs to be. 

All of us have safety checklists - and rightly so. If you are unsafe, you have to protect yourself, or flee, or have a protest to be heard. In our home, we continue to strive for love and acceptance of all types of people and situations. It's hard. But, I think having so many kids in my home will help with that. Kids see things from a different perspective - especially teens. Teens are constantly challenging all of the dogma and doctrine they have been hearing since infancy. Often they help us parents see where we have blind spots. We all have blind spots.

This post is not a quick "point out a problem and solution" type of post. We can't turn this ship around in one day. We can't fix racism or classism or any other ism in a day. But, we can pray for change. We can start with ourselves. We can hope for a better future for younger generations. And, we can long for heaven and pray "Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I get all goose-bumpy when I think of Heaven. When we will finally see other people for their hearts/souls and not their skin color, wealth, or whatever else. We will worship together at the feet of Jesus. "Every tongue, tribe, and nation." 

Let's start now.

Analogy - Turn this ship around

First, I have an observation about our family, then my analogy.

These past few years of major transitions in our family has been quite challenging (you can be sure that is an understatement). Some of our major changes were: a move in August 2018, putting three boys in school in August 2018, New Baby October 2018, two major surgeries in 2018, one major surgery in 2020, corona-trauma-schooling... to name a few. In all of that chaos, some of our family patterns and habits changed drastically.

Family worship became non-existent. Boys got out of chores and my oldest girl and I picked up a lot of slack. Kids became disrespectful as I became too overwhelmed to deal with it. Etc. You get the idea. I don't need to spell it out, because you guys have all been there too. When talking to a friend a few weeks ago, I told her that I feel like our family is a ship that has been slowly going off course. I know that changes need to be made and that we need to turn this ship around. We talked about which changes I most wanted to see. And, I walked away being encouraged that I could begin to make changes.

Now you guys know me. I am ridiculously authentic on this blog. I believe that honesty in relationship and/or mentoring is the only way to see real growth. So, knowing me- you are all thinking, "oh no, Bethany went home and wrote a dozen charts and intends to change her family overnight." Yep, the thought did cross my mind. But, y'all, God is changing me. He is growing me. And, HE KNOWS ME. So, He sent me a message.

A few weeks back I was returning home from a socially-distanced night out at a friend's home. I drove home through the country in the deep darkness (no moon). I know the roads, though I admit to being a bit afraid of the dark that night. Anyway, I went over a one-lane bridge that also turned the direction of the road a bit. I did not see what was ahead until I crossed the bridge into deeper darkness. It was black. My headlights were on, but it was blackness. The road disappeared. Water. A creek had flooded and my 12-passenger van was IN the water. The road had completely disappeared beneath me. I'm not embarrassed to say that I called Paul in hysterics. I was sobbing so hard that he couldn't even understand me. I didn't know how to turn around! There was no longer a visible road! Y'all, I'm covered in goosebumps just recalling it.

Paul spoke calmly to me. He said, "it doesn't matter if you make a 40-point turn about. Move only a few inches at a time." I did as he recommended. (The water wasn't moving, I was not in any danger of being swept away. I just couldn't see the road and I didn't want to get stuck there... in the blackness.) I must have made at least 25 wheel adjustments. Forward, reverse, forward, reverse, a few inches each time. With Paul's calming common sense and a lot of prayer, I was able to get back to that one-lane bridge without getting stuck.

A few days after I had recovered from the trauma of that, God started working on my heart. I was praying about the changes I was trying to implement in my home. And I felt God nudge my heart, "Turn this ship around." And the image of my being stuck in the blackness making a 40-point turnabout flashed in my head. I hear you, God, I get it. I want to turn this ship around, but I need to be patient and calm and make many small, sensible adjustments. 

You guys, God is Good. And He knows us well. And, I believe that if we listen for His guidance and encouragement, He will send them. And, whatever the ship is in your life that needs turned around - God wants to help you with that. You can see change if you just keep making one small change at a time.   

June 2020 update

You guys, I don't mean to be a terrible blogger. I love writing. But, most of my past 20 months has been spent caring for our newest family member, Nathaniel. Nathaniel is 20 months old today. The complications of his pregnancy and birth are all a bit dim now, as I am chasing around this happy bubby!

I actually got on today to write out an analogy, but I feel like I need to write an update first... in the slim chance that I still have any lifelong followers. If you are out there - hey, guys! I love ya!

Rebecca, my oldest, just graduated homeschool highschool. We didn't have our diploma ceremony yet, because of corona-complications. But, I expect that we will get to that in the coming week. Before coronavirus, she was very busy working as a nanny and a house cleaner. We are not yet sure what she will be doing in the Fall.

Rebecca dressed for TeenPact

Nelson is 16 now. He loves camping and fishing. He's quite the introvert, so I won't share anything else about him here.

Lydia, who now prefers to be LJ in my online platforms, is almost 15. She's still battling chronic autoimmune stuff. And, we are still trying to get to the root problem of her fatigue issues, but she seems better this past year. She is using Floradix (over the counter) iron supplement and that has made a huge difference! LJ is a creative writer and artist. When "genius burns" we may not see her for a whole day...locked away in her room writing.

Joshua is almost 13. He will be a public schooled 8th grader next year. He has done well academically in public school, and most days I am glad that I sent him there. Joshua likes playing outside, he loves time with friends, and he wants to play football. (Yeah, I'm not sure I am okay with that.)

Rebecca and Josh -May 2020

Josiah is 10. He will be a public schooled 5th grader in the fall. He likes all things outdoors as well as gaming. Actually, that's all my boys. He is still my Happy boy.

Jeremiah is 8. He will be a public schooled 3rd grader in the fall. Jeremiah has a sensitive heart and is a bit more introverted than his bigger brothers. He loves to play outside. He adores baby Nathaniel. And, he's an all-around good kid.

Rebecca, Me, Lydia - May 2020

Lastly, Nathaniel is my toddler. He can run faster than I can. He can pretty much climb anything. And, he is trying to talk. He is body smart, so moving is his strong suit. Moving, moving, moving. He is one busy boy.

Paul is still working at the IL Dept of Corrections. He's been there since our move to IL in 2017.

I am not currently working outside of the home. I was a choir director for about 2 years, but resigned last fall. Now, I spend my days overseeing homeschool for my older kiddos and keeping the baby alive. Just keeping Nathaniel safe IS a full time job. (winks)

Just a quick update

(Update from June 2019 that never got published)

I can’t believe how quickly time passes! I meant to write more regularly after my last update nearly a year ago! But time slipped by as it always seems to do.

Time crawled by while I changed hundreds of diapers on our new addition. Nathaniel was born October 3. He’s now 8 months old. Nathaniel is a very happy baby! The last weeks before his birth were filled with appointments and angst due to pregnancy complications. It was our scariest delivery yet, as we almost lost both Baby and myself in labor. But, emergency C-section was a gift from God to save our lives. After a blood transfusion and two days in the hospital, I was sent home for weeks of post-natal bedrest...that I should have obeyed better.

Time rolled by as every day we sent 3 boys to public school on a school bus.

First and last days of school. Josiah (left) Jeremiah (right)

Joshua, first and last day of 6th grade 

Joshua before his final band concert

Time cruised by as we participated in another year of homeschool co-op. With hundreds of people crowding the halls of a local church. Voices buzzing, punctuations of laughter. Such busy, beautiful days.

Rebecca and friends

After a theatre production

Nelson and Rebecca after her play

Time sang past, as I continue to be the adult choir director at church. I took a break for Christmas before and after Baby Nathaniel arrived. But, went back to work in January.
Time strolled by as Paul and I celebrated 19 years of marriage in December.
And, time danced by as we spent time with family and friends.

(Added 6-3-2020: This update is quite dated. Sorry. I am no longer the choir director at that church. But, more on that later.)