I wrote yesterday that God knows us well. He knows me well and sometimes answers my prayers in ways that get my attention in a big way. Today was another one of those days.
The news has been full of hatred, violence and racism. I pray for our nation. I pray that we would learn to love. I pray that we would be stretched to let our love and compassion cover the poor, the "ugly," the smelly, the ones who don't look like we do, the ones who don't drive cars like we do, the drug dealers, the meth addicts, the rich, etc. I've been praying for myself specifically that I would learn to love people like Jesus does. And, I have asked God to show me my own blind spots and weak points. (You know... that verse about ignoring the log in your own eye, while picking out the speck in someone else's eye?)
This afternoon, I had to get dog food and a few other items at Wal-Mart. I had just picked up my generic gallon-sized zipper bags when an older guy spoke to me. "You are a woman. What cleaner has ammonia in it?" He came off a bit brusque, to be sure. And, since he was wearing a mask, I had no idea what his countenance looked like. (Generally I read people by their countenance more than clothes or physical features. I rarely notice pimples or crooked teeth, but I do see desperation, sadness, depression, joy, laughter, etc.) He was a white-haired, white guy with blue eyes. But, you guys, fear triggered in my heart. I forced it down with a little laugh (another safety and defense mechanism) and chose to find humor in his opening remark.
Now, you guys know I love people. I'm an extrovert. I often talk to strangers in stores or anywhere else. I like to make the world feel warmer by smiling at strangers. But, the mask triggered me. (When you are healing from PTSD, you have to know your triggers. It's step one to overcoming them.) I answered him politely, "I believe Windex would be your best bet." And, part of me wanted to walk away, but another part of me said to take the time to give this guy a few moments of my attention. I asked, "What do you want ammonia for?" He answered to spray on trash cans to keep the raccoons away. He asked me to help read labels and help him find the best product. You guys, I admit it, my fear went up another notch. What are his motives? What does he really want from me? My purse is on my arm - check. I don't have valuables or a child in the cart - check. I can see other people nearby - check. Yes, I actually thought through that in a flashing second before I walked closer to him.
You guys, what we have in this world is a sin problem. I love "little old men." Ask my family. I really adore little old men. I used to have so much fun serving my retired customers at Hardees. I have only good memories of little old men. But, I have a distrusting traumatized heart. You know that checklist I ran through? There is nothing wrong with having a safety check in your mind. Especially if you have been a victim of abuse, rape or violence. There are legit dangers in the world! (Our family has become even more aware of this since Paul has become a corrections officer.) What I am saying is that the world is full of sin. It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, or a person of color. We are all full of sin.
That's why we need Jesus!
There have been times when I needed to ignore problems outside of my home and focus on my own healing. Sometimes living in "survival mode" for years means that I have to shut out all problems but my own. (And, I think that you can do that for a season.) But, some days you wake up and think, "I can't hide my head in the sand anymore. I can't stay silent." I mean this in many areas of life, not just racism - which I mention today because it is the news feature that currently reflects our need for change.
You guys, our world has a problem. Every day we see that people are full of hatred. Families dividing over politics. Friendships ending over gender-sexuality issues. Cities at war over racism.
The news has been full of hatred, violence and racism. I pray for our nation. I pray that we would learn to love. I pray that we would be stretched to let our love and compassion cover the poor, the "ugly," the smelly, the ones who don't look like we do, the ones who don't drive cars like we do, the drug dealers, the meth addicts, the rich, etc. I've been praying for myself specifically that I would learn to love people like Jesus does. And, I have asked God to show me my own blind spots and weak points. (You know... that verse about ignoring the log in your own eye, while picking out the speck in someone else's eye?)
This afternoon, I had to get dog food and a few other items at Wal-Mart. I had just picked up my generic gallon-sized zipper bags when an older guy spoke to me. "You are a woman. What cleaner has ammonia in it?" He came off a bit brusque, to be sure. And, since he was wearing a mask, I had no idea what his countenance looked like. (Generally I read people by their countenance more than clothes or physical features. I rarely notice pimples or crooked teeth, but I do see desperation, sadness, depression, joy, laughter, etc.) He was a white-haired, white guy with blue eyes. But, you guys, fear triggered in my heart. I forced it down with a little laugh (another safety and defense mechanism) and chose to find humor in his opening remark.
Now, you guys know I love people. I'm an extrovert. I often talk to strangers in stores or anywhere else. I like to make the world feel warmer by smiling at strangers. But, the mask triggered me. (When you are healing from PTSD, you have to know your triggers. It's step one to overcoming them.) I answered him politely, "I believe Windex would be your best bet." And, part of me wanted to walk away, but another part of me said to take the time to give this guy a few moments of my attention. I asked, "What do you want ammonia for?" He answered to spray on trash cans to keep the raccoons away. He asked me to help read labels and help him find the best product. You guys, I admit it, my fear went up another notch. What are his motives? What does he really want from me? My purse is on my arm - check. I don't have valuables or a child in the cart - check. I can see other people nearby - check. Yes, I actually thought through that in a flashing second before I walked closer to him.
You guys, what we have in this world is a sin problem. I love "little old men." Ask my family. I really adore little old men. I used to have so much fun serving my retired customers at Hardees. I have only good memories of little old men. But, I have a distrusting traumatized heart. You know that checklist I ran through? There is nothing wrong with having a safety check in your mind. Especially if you have been a victim of abuse, rape or violence. There are legit dangers in the world! (Our family has become even more aware of this since Paul has become a corrections officer.) What I am saying is that the world is full of sin. It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, or a person of color. We are all full of sin.
That's why we need Jesus!
There have been times when I needed to ignore problems outside of my home and focus on my own healing. Sometimes living in "survival mode" for years means that I have to shut out all problems but my own. (And, I think that you can do that for a season.) But, some days you wake up and think, "I can't hide my head in the sand anymore. I can't stay silent." I mean this in many areas of life, not just racism - which I mention today because it is the news feature that currently reflects our need for change.
You guys, our world has a problem. Every day we see that people are full of hatred. Families dividing over politics. Friendships ending over gender-sexuality issues. Cities at war over racism.
There is fighting, division, and protest because there needs to be.
All of us have safety checklists - and rightly so. If you are unsafe, you have to protect yourself, or flee, or have a protest to be heard. In our home, we continue to strive for love and acceptance of all types of people and situations. It's hard. But, I think having so many kids in my home will help with that. Kids see things from a different perspective - especially teens. Teens are constantly challenging all of the dogma and doctrine they have been hearing since infancy. Often they help us parents see where we have blind spots. We all have blind spots.
This post is not a quick "point out a problem and solution" type of post. We can't turn this ship around in one day. We can't fix racism or classism or any other ism in a day. But, we can pray for change. We can start with ourselves. We can hope for a better future for younger generations. And, we can long for heaven and pray "Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I get all goose-bumpy when I think of Heaven. When we will finally see other people for their hearts/souls and not their skin color, wealth, or whatever else. We will worship together at the feet of Jesus. "Every tongue, tribe, and nation."
Let's start now.
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