There is a need among Christians for authenticity and sharing of struggles. Maybe the blog is not the best place for it, but it seems to be my best outlet at present. I am not saying that we should all get together and whine about our problems - far from it. But, how can older moms encourage me if they do not know my true struggles? And, how can I encourage younger moms, unless I am willing to admit some of my weakness and assume that they are facing some similar thoughts/feelings?
My candor today is on the topic of parenting many little wee ones. (I will be using a lot of sarcasm and tongue in cheek honesty.) I thought having two children under age two was hard. I thought having three children age three and under was very difficult. I thought having four children five and under was a nightmare. And, when we got to the point that we had five children under the age of seven - well, let's just say I thought I needed my head examined. Now, my oldest is 8, and the baby is 9 months old.
I had no trouble keeping Rebecca alive and well. She was under constant adult supervision. And, adding Nelson to the family was not too much trouble. Rebecca was a good little helper. She did not try to kill her brother. BUT, add Lydia to the mix and you have trouble! I am still not sure how we kept her alive with Nelson always trying to "help" feed her and care for her. I would have to hold my pee till Nelson's nap time just to keep poor Lydia alive. I think Nelson meant well. He was more likely to snuggle her to death than anything else.Then, we had Joshua. By this point the older two were old enough to be playing with crayons, but not always putting them away. I often reflect on what a miracle it is that Joshua did not choke on some broken crayon! Now, we have Baby Josiah. And, I mean to tell you that it is HARD work being a momma to a tribe of little people.
I have five little people making messes: spilling cups at EVERY meal, tearing up paper and crayons every time I leave the room, trying to help cook, leaving out sewing scraps, etc. Five mess makers... and only one competent mess cleaner. Nelson walks by messes and it does not phase him a bit. He can walk over a whole box of crayons dumped out, with Josiah putting one in his mouth and it does not occur to him that this is a problem. Rebecca and Lydia are a little more motherly. At least they take that one crayon out of baby's mouth... even if they do leave him sitting in a pile of 23 other broken crayons...
I just keep thinking that this mothering thing is based on a curve. Having one baby was easy enough to keep alive and well (in retrospect). And, surely when the oldest get a little older it will be easier to keep the littlest ones alive - I hope! But, right now, I am exhausted. I don't wish the time away. I don't want to fast forward. Don't scold me about how fast the time goes. All I really want is a little more sleep! Gone are the days that you can nap two hours when the one or two babies napped.
What I really want is
In all honesty, without the sarcasm - I know that each of my children is a blessing, a gift. I am not complaining about having so many children. I love them and I want them. But, I will admit that I have some hard days... and some hard nights! I never have enough hours in the day. I never have enough patience. I never have enough sleep. But, by the Grace of God, we will all look back and remember the joys of these years rather than the crayons on the floor!