Paul and I had our 13th anniversary yesterday.
And, we finally had a communication breakthrough... last week.
Paul assures me that this must be a Missouri thing, because I grew up in Illinois.
For the last 13 years I have been asking questions like, “How does this look?” Or, “what do you think of this meal?” And, Paul would frequently answer, “It’s not half bad” or “not too bad.” Sometimes he says, “It’s decent.”
Well, after 13 years something in me snapped. And a few weeks ago I cried when he said my new recipe was “not too bad.” He did not know what he did wrong. And, I thought, something very charitable, like, “How could he be so mean and dumb?” Well, he explained that his family talks like that when they actually LIKE something! And, then he said, “You mean we’ve been together 13 years and you didn’t know what I meant by that all this time?!” And, I said, “NO! Every time I asked if I looked good, or my clothes looked okay, or my hair, I would think you were saying, ‘It is adequate… or, it will do.’
I can laugh about it now… kinda.
Today at lunch (13 years and one day married), I asked Paul, “Would you like some coffee?” He said, “I might.” Then it hit me… With voice a little elevated, I said, “You mean you might? Or is that a funny way of saying ‘yes, I do.’” To which he answered, “I would like some coffee please.” And, much to my great pleasure, he added, “I really need to work on my communication skills.”
So, there you have it… only 13 years of thinking Paul never liked my meals, hair, clothes, etc.
I am sure I will laugh about this later… maybe 13 years from now.