Expectations VS. Reality - Part One of a series from my journal

Public Domain - wikicommons

These are some snippets from my private journal, I will post a new section each day until I share as mush as I think I should. I think some of my observations about myself may enlighten someone other mama (or papa) out there. My desire with this series is to help families (especially mamas) grow in wisdom and strength. So, I share my private thoughts. This is very candid. Very honest. If you have not yet had children, and you are in that place of begging and pleading for a spouse or children - please do not judge me. I love my husband and my children. I am just exploring the roots of unhappiness that turn up in every marriage - unrealistic expectations.

I have always wanted to be in control. I think, deep down, we all want to be in control. We are - after all - made in God's image. BUT, we are sinful creatures who have distorted His design. So, my chief end in wanting to be in control is probably trying to be God. No... I would never say it like that out loud, but when you peel back all the layers that appears to be the root.

There are two things I have long sought to control as my own "coping" mechanism for stress. I first started seeing this pattern in high school, but especially in early college. 1 - My dietary intake. 2 - order and cleanliness."

(Here I skip some personal info that I do not think would be profitable to this blog.)

"[In high school] I chose to eat at Hardees' most every night. I liked it. I liked my co-workers. I liked the food. I liked our conversation. I chose my diet.
As a young single woman it was very easy to control both my diet and the order and cleanliness of my surroundings. My parents were clean people. There were no children.  There was no threat to my order."

(Now I will skip to when I get married.)

"My expectation was that (as a woman) I would cook. Oops. I never learned how to cook. Major trauma to my immature heart as I watched Paul cook. Words still cannot express this first bursting of my idyllic bubble of expectation. From there on, it would be one crushed expectation after another. BUT, in marriage, an adult may be pliable enough to change. Paul did. I never let go of my plans. Paul began laying down his life daily about fifteen years ago. 

So, for the first two years of marriage life was still somewhat controllable. But, those things beyond my control would make me unhappy. I was very much living for myself, with very little threat to that. Yes, I chose to go to a Christian school. Yes, I chose to marry a preacher. In a way... that made me happy. I had no idea how little personal pleasure and gain there was in being a preacher's wife (or I never would have done it). God allowed me to be blinded. I deceived myself with massive unrealistic expectations for our future ministry together. 

We did enjoy a couple of years of serving side by side before the event which most over-turned my well-laid plans. A baby was born. My first. It is my belief that marriage and child-rearing are the two areas where we have more unrealistic expectations than anywhere else. (Occupation/employment may be a far third.) 

From the first, this new creature, which was meant by God to be a blessing, tortured me in every way. She upset my kingdom of self! First, I was sick. Pregnancy was "supposed" to be nice. Nope. I was sick. Very sick. Then, when she was born.... wow, I was totally unprepared for REAL life as a mom. She cried. Constantly. She didn't nurse well... and putting her on formula was my first-ever "failure" as a mom. I am far enough removed (now) to see that nursing was my expectation, society's expectation, and my friends' and family's expectations; but, though God designed me to breast feed my baby, HE was not calling me a failure. He knew that unbearable, excruciating pain was a yeast infection. I didn't know that. God was not mad at me. I know that now. But, at the time, I believed that I failed God, myself, society, all my friends, and family. Lovely. The misery began compounding from that day forth. Never had I felt such misery. Never before had I been this much of a failure. 

I have turned off comments, because this subject is too tender to me. But, if you need to speak to me you can email me at flutefelicity@aol.com Sharing these thoughts and publishing them was harder than I thought it would be!  Will I conquer my expectations and find peace? Tune in soon for part two! 

Mopping - An Analogy

Rebecca mopped the floor for me a few days ago. It needed it. Six kids age 11 and under. 'Nuff said.

When Rebecca started mopping I had my usual thoughts. "How did the floor get this bad in just a week?" "Why didn't I mop sooner?" And the like.

The job was finished. It looked great...except for a few sticky gum-like spots that I actually got down on my hands and knees to scrape with a razor blade. "Strange that these spots didn't bother me before."

Then it hit me.

Mopping is like repentance. After we thank God for cleansing our heart through the blood of Jesus Christ the slate is clean. For a few minutes. Then, someone comes along and spills the milk. Or, you step on one blood red pomegranate seed. Those first few spots seem such a stark contrast compared to the fresh mop job. And, our first sins after confessing seem so offensive.

But, if I take a nap and Rebecca bakes brownies...and the little ones help. Well, there will be flour, sugar, chocolate chips (no, on second thought, the baby eats those off the floor), and egg yoke plastered to the floor. Most of this gets wiped up, but some will remain for a few days until the next mopping. Little by little, one day at a time, it seems like the messes blur together on the floor...and you start training yourself not to see them. "It isn't mop day yet." Or, "I'm too tired."

Likewise, our hearts become hardened to our own sin so quickly. We get lazy with our holiness. A little spill of poor speech here... a little dab of poor conduct there... a big pile of nasty thoughts marring the center of my heart.

In the case of my kitchen, it was not until I knew the landlord was stopping by that I saw the mess through someone else's eyes. The floor was appalling. I had gotten used to the mess. But, what would the landlord think?

In the case of my sinful heart, it is by reading the Word of God and seeing ourselves through God's eyes that we see the mess and the caked on sins that we have allowed to pile up and crust over our hearts of flesh. The solution is simple.

The cleaner I keep the kitchen floor, the cleaner I want to keep the floor.

The more I read the Word, the more I want to read the Word. But, a few sins spilt on that clean heart begins a hardening process that starts to quench my desire to meet with the Lord. We've all been there.

This little analogy is not meant to be a thorough treatise on sin and repentance. Far from it. Just an illustration of what the Lord showed me in the clean kitchen floor.

We need to keep our hearts clean before the Lord.

Hebrews 10:22 Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

My advice to Young singles and newlyweds (finances)

It is that time of year again... wedding planning around every corner. It got me to thinking about how it is more important to plan for a marriage than for a wedding. This, of course, takes years of preparations.

This post is not written as an accusation to anyone that I know! Not in the least! It is just what I wish someone would have told me. This is not the sum of my knowledge, just the first dozen or so things that came to mind.

Today's post is limited to one topic - Finances.

I don't know a whole lot about money. I am not a financial guru. But, I can help you learn from my mistakes, and that is my chief aim. Sure, it is a little embarrassing for us to talk about our past, but if it keeps just one person from following our path it is worth it!

- Do whatever you can to stay out of debt as long as you can! So often young adults enter into marriage with the idea of living to the standard they grew up with - it just rarely works this way. I would bet that your own parents as newlyweds rarely ate "out." Most new married couples (20+ years ago) scraped by without the luxuries of fast food and $4 coffee from a drive through. Trying to live like your parents without their income is a recipe for disaster.
- You can live with less furniture, or used furniture. You really don't need to go buy a new bedroom group, dining room group, and living room group (each with a $2500+ price tag). Craigslist and second hand stores always have cheap tables and chairs that you could clean up, or even refurbish, for very little. Auctions would be a good place to look for furniture too.
- You don't "need" cable and home internet. Cable IS a luxury and you can get by without it. And, you probably already have internet on your phone. You can always use the library for more extensive projects. As for cable, we have been married 13 years and have had cable a total of maybe 2 months that entire time. Take walks, go to a park, read a book, make a picnic, go fishing, learn to garden or hunt, learn to cook, do crafts, there is a lot to keep you busy without cable tv.
- If you are still single - SAVE your money! Don't buy bigger better cars now. Don't waste your hard-earned money on soda and coffee. SAVE it! You will thank me later.
- As much as you can, use shop towels and such to clean spills, and save money on paper towels.
- Before you go enter college or grad school, make sure that is what you really want to do. Ask yourself if you really need a degree to do what you see yourself doing in the future. College loans are a headache that hangs over you for years to come! (I am not discouraging college, I just want you to know that you know that you need to go)
- When setting up housekeeping - Buy used appliances. Washers, dryers, 'fridge, etc. You will be glad you did.
- Buy used cars. With cash.
- Consider doing some things "the old fashioned way" - hang out laundry on a line, cook from "scratch," drink water, use wood heat, if you live in town - walk to work.
- Save credit cards for emergencies, do not use them on consumable stuff like fast food (except in a real bind or when traveling.)
- Buy clothes at name brand stores only at the end of the season, or shop at second hand stores. You can look nice without spending a fortune, or signing up for a Macy's credit card account. (Yeah... ask me how I know... only back then it was called Famous-Barr.)
- Do NOT feel obligated to buy nice gifts for friends at weddings, birthdays, etc. A simple inexpensive gift will do just fine. Consider making a gift, like an apron, or cloth napkins or something. Or, just give a card, and when they are in your shoes (married, just trying to make it week to week), they will thank you.
- After you are married - SAVE as much as you can for emergencies, household items (furnace/roof/etc), a baby, etc.
- Write a budget and stick to it as much as possible. Read books by Christian financial gurus.

Above all - Be realistic. You have the rest of your lives to live out your dreams! It does not have to happen this year, or even in this decade!

A few verses to meditate on: The rich rules over the poor, And the borrower becomes the lender's slave.        Prov 22:7 (NASB)

'You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, and you shall not desire your neighbor's house, his field or his male servant or his female servant, his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.'

Deut 5:21 (NASB)

    For we brought nothing into the world,              and we can take nothing out.   But if we have food and clothing,  we will be content with these.
        1 Tim 6:7-8 (HCSB)

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,  Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
       Hab 3:17-19 (NASB)


What are your suggestions for newlyweds and young singles?

Living without Strife

I have been considering how to make life more "livable" in our home. And, I have been asking this question about almost everything we do -

Does the benefit outweigh the cost?

When you start looking honestly at your life and asking that question with God's Holy Spirit to open your eyes... things will start changing. Some of the below examples are not all from my own life, but rather what I know that other moms are dealing with.

Homeschooling - In my family, the benefits of homeschooling CERTAINLY outweigh the costs on my body and time. It is hard, but it is good. And, I enjoy it. AND, when thinking about the possibility of Christian school - the costs FAR outweigh the benefits. (Driving time!, having to get up earlier and run on a real schedule, packing lunches, financial strain, etc.)

Breastfeeding - For me, this is worth the toll on my body. It was a real challenge while Baby Jeremiah was cutting teeth, but he is back to sleeping through the night now! And I hope/plan to nurse him all the way through his first winter. But, if nursing a baby causes you to live in a constant state of fatigue and sin - then you need to give it a lot of prayer.


Books and Blogs - I really don't have much time for these. I have not been reading for months. And, each blog I post is usually in progress for days or weeks before I publish it. It is far more important that I am with the children. We have periods of free play or rest. But, that is when I choose to nap rather than read or play on the computer.

Animals, Gardening, Homesteading - We still have many goals and daydreams. But, these will have to wait for another season of life. We did not plant a fall garden, because it would have been too much for us. I am happy with this decision. I would rather buy canned veggies than wear myself out gardening and answer my children with malice or wrath because of sheer exhaustion. The goals we have - they do not have to happen over night... or even in one year... It just does not seem that important in the grand picture of life.

Missions/Evangelism/Good activities/Scouts/Homeschool co-op/Etc - Teaching Sunday school is a good thing... but not if it taxes you so much that you sin against your family! If you are too tired to serve in any area of life without continually falling to some of the same pitfalls of sin week after week - then it is probably time to let that activity go. Make it a matter of great prayer! 

Food - I am making some cutbacks in this area. Homemade bread tastes delicious and it is cheaper than store bought, but it far more time-consuming. But, there is more to it than that. The other day we made bread and by the end of the process we were all getting really snippy with each other. Homemade bread is not worth that! Also, I went to Sam's and bought many easy-to-prepare foods... many of them not containing meats, since I still try to steer clear of hormone-tampering meats. Yet, for this season of my life, some less-wholesome foods are allowed.


Here's the thing, Is it better to grow all of your own foods and prepare meals from scratch, but you yell at your kids because you are so tired and overwhelmed? Or, is it better to give them some junk food and put a lid on some of your complaining and fighting?

Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 17:1 (NLT)

Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. Proverbs 15:17 (NIV)

This is just for a season. Life is short. My years with my children at home are short. Yes, I want to instill good eating habits. Absolutely. But it is far more important that I instill in them good character! I realize that there are people reading this who think that I am willingly serving my children cancer-causing foods... I do see where you are coming from. BUT, there is a greater cancer in this life. Open sin that we justify is a cancer. Making excuses for our sin will make us both physically and spiritually sick. Living in guilt over your constant sinning will make you sick. Stress can cause cancer. Being overly worried about foods can cause cancer.

I honestly believe, friends, that I am at a far smaller risk of cancer than some of my cooking from scratch peers (though they may eat all whole foods), because I do not live in stress.

I am truly free from worry about the foods we eat right now! God the Father is far more concerned about His children loving one another than He is about whether or not we are eating the perfect diet.

So - what about you? In your life - are there areas where the costs outweigh the benefits? Pray about it. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the areas that need some attention.

I also blogged about Meals Without Strife on July 15, 2011.

Tired Christian Moms, Repeat After Me

"I am SuperMom, because I am indwelled by a Supernatural God."

Repeat as needed!

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, 

and those who love it will eat its fruits. 

Proverbs 18:21 ESV

 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13 ESV

Random Updates

Paul's health and jobs- His back is much better! He is considering cancelling his appointment with the orthopedic specialist. He is working UPS every day on the preload and delivering second day air packages.
ALSO, He spoke with his boss at U-Haul and he is going to try to work there 10 hours or so a week. That works for them and for us.

Transportation - we bought a used Ford 12-passenger van. It is air conditioned! We can travel in a reliable vehicle now!

Food - I tried to buy cheap meat... I tried to buy cheap foods... I just can't do it. Cheap beef makes my kids STINK!!! Their body odor and waste smells terrible when we eat cheap beef. AND I keep seeing all of these little girls younger than Becca all filled out and I just CANNOT do it! I cannot feed my kids cheap beef/meat. I will continue to buy local, pasture-raised poultry, and grass-fed, grass-finished beef. We will go back to eating only one to two pounds of beef a week and I am very happy with that! (We do eat some cheap foods at potluck and such, but once a week is not too bad. I can live with that.)
ALSO in the food subject - I joined a "buying club" with UNFI about three months ago. I am able to order organic (or non-organic) foods/ingredients at a good rate. I recommend finding a co-op or buying club in your area. I think it is fun! I enjoy the work of unloading the truck and sorting orders. I am usually the last one to leave... It's fun. If you are in my area, let my get you hooked up with my club (pick up is in Columbia), because more orders = more savings.

School - You know how your kids usually know more in any given subject than their current book actually reflects? (Please tell me that I am not the only one...) Well, Rebecca's math book is WAY below her actual level and I need to amend that. We usually spend more time on real-life applications than the written exercises. I see more value in the real-life applications, but I also see that I need to have the right book on hand too. I will get the right book in time. No hurry though... I have no doubt that she is learning!

Have a blessed day!

Canning Season

Instead of canning with jars I am experimenting with freezing my produce this year. I do realize that this is not a "sustainable" solution... but for this season of my life I am okay with that.

I did check out a few helpful books at the library on home preserving (including freezing), but I would not have attempted this method were it not for MamaHen. She makes it look so easy that I had to try it myself! (MamaHen, you are an inspiration!)

So, I have been "dicing" my tomatoes in the food processor and dumping them into bags. That's it! I am growing 3 types of tomatoes this year but in the end I am mixing them together. I think it will be like the philosophy I use with apples - using different varieties together improves flavor.

We also put up corn for the first time ever! Paul did the entirety of this task because my hands were too cramped up. I cut the first ear or two, but he did a few dozen! I am a little surprised at how little corn you actually get from one year! No wonder my kids need 2-3 ears per meal. Anyway, if I can get my hands on more corn I will try to put up more. Five dozen ears did not amount to much. MamaHen, is there a formula to this? Like so many ears per bag? Or so many cups per ear? Or, do you just wing it? We just eyeballed it.

We did not get to the peaches y-day. We plan to put them up (freeze them) today. I'll let you know how it goes.

Odds and Ends

First of all, before I forget, our summer meteor showers in the Northern Hemisphere are this coming week and in August.

Secondly, Paul has been to UPS each day this week. But, the pain is getting worse in his hip each day. Monday afternoon he went to his chiropractor who believes that the lymph node swelling was/is due to damage/injury in the spine. The chiro is supposed to be setting up an appointment for Paul to see an orthopedic doc soon and get an MRI done. (No news yet on when...)
PAUL QUIT his U-Haul job. The Lord has used all of these troubles to show Paul that he was overworking himself. He will miss the mechanic work. (He cannot physically work 12 hours a day right now... much as he wants to...) We are praying for wisdom for where to acquire our necessary income.

On parenting - Let me tell you, friends, parenting ain't for sissies!!! 'Nuff said.

On gardening - I echo the previous sentiments - it ain't for sissies. Sweat dripping into your eyes. Arms itching from the contact with tomato plants. Pet dogs who destroy your crops when you are not looking... and sometimes when you are. The tomatoes you do not lose to the dog are lost to drought and/or blossom end rot. Chiggers. Coming in from the heat shaking - on the verge of passing out... Gardening a large plot is not to be entered into lightly! Do not do it unless your family is well!

On animals - I mentioned a few weeks ago that we would be building livestock housing. Well, that did not go exactly as planned... nothing ever does. I did build 2 rabbit cages with the children. And, we did get a baby mini rex. We got the rabbit free. We were supposed to get two, but the other boy bunny was overheated and I was afraid he would die that night and break my kids' hearts. Anyway, we got the rabbit for its manure - thought it would help our garden. BUT, this particular rabbit came from an air conditioned house. It has been pampered in my garage for two weeks. We have now realized that it is impossible to keep Bunny's water cool in summer. And HOW ON EARTH will we keep it from freezing in the winter? I do NOT want an indoor bunny. So, we might have to give the little guy back. But, he is terribly cute and cuddly.
ALSO - we were planning to get a feeder pig just a few weeks ago... but Paul's sickness came on. I realized in a hurry that I would not be able to take care of a pig by myself. The whole decision making process was an emotional roller coaster. But, in the end, it is obvious that a pig which gets fattened up to 250 pounds, is not for us right now...

School - Joshua (who is five now) wrote "Mom" yesterday. Yep... that was pretty big.

On appliances - HOORAY! Cuisinart sent me a brand new mixer to replace the one that "took up smoking." It took a while for Paul and I to scrape together the $30 to ship our old one back. But, the turn around time was very quick!

Not all appliances come with such a lovely warranty and customer service... my Jay Kordich juicer which broke after only 2 months of use!, has not been fixed. Their customer service stinks! DO NOT buy a Jay Kordich juicer!!! (I will stand behind the health benefits of juicing 100% - talk to your doctor first - but NOT with THIS juicer!)

Next post - how will I ever find the energy to put up gallons and gallons of tomatoes, 4 dozen ears of sweet corn that I bought from a local farm - and I was "lucky" to come by it at that - there is a drought here y'all!, 1/2 bushel of peaches from a local farm, potatoes from my garden (if they are not already rotten), and more... Um, yeah, it will take a miracle! Honestly, I am actually grateful that the dog ate my green beans! With all of our sicknesses this season I would not have been able to get to them anyway. Come to think of it, she has saved me a lot of work overall... All the same she is one melon away from the pound.

OH- and we do not have A/C in either of our vehicles. We are praying for wisdom and another miracle. (And, yes, we already tried the $30 can of "recharge" at the auto parts store. Did not work.)

Morning Freshness

I woke up surprisingly early this morning and my first thought was to get outside! Yesterday we had a cool front come through AND RAIN! We all praise God for rain and ask Him to please send more soon!

This morning I enjoyed the cooler temperatures and the morning dew! Click on any photo to being up the enlargements page.

Sunflowers at full height 6-8 feet tall. 

The dark blob in front of one of the middle heads it is a humming bird.

I did not plant this watermelon.

It showed up as a volunteer a few weeks after I planted my garden.

The original "seed leaves" were unidentifiable. 

But when I recognized the watermelon leaves I decided not to "weed it out," but to let it grow.

I took this picture to show the dew on the grass!!! Dew, friends, we had a dew!!! 

 

Before sunrise.

 

Baby cantaloupe. 

Already the size of a softball.

 

Bean Trellis. I put cardboard underneath to prevent weed growth. 

My happy little garden.

The bare spots were lettuce and potatoes that have been harvested.

We will manure those areas just as soon as I can wield a shovel again.

We will replant for a fall garden very soon!!!

Back to "the old diet"

I think it has been 10 weeks since I radically changed my diet by cutting out: caffeine, sodas, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and then grains and dairy.

In that time I lost 20 pounds from sheer self-control and determination. Then I got sick and lost another 8 or so pounds. I am down 28 pounds!

So - now what? Well, I have reintroduced grains and dairy... and sugar in moderation.

The Primary reason that I reintroduced grains and dairy was/is because I cannot afford the diet of 50-75% fruits/veggies that I was on before!!! We tried it. I worked hard to try to make it work. But, in the end - wheat, oats, and corn MUST be a cheap staple in my home!!! So, we have gone back to our meatless diet of rice, beans, potatoes, lentils, breads, etc. And, I am okay with that! in fact, since the grocery bill dropped so much I am elated with this  change!

I enjoyed my organic juices. I just cannot afford organic fruit on a regular basis. I can't really afford to do the juicing either. When we started this diet we kept saying "this is just for mommy," or "mommy needs her juice." But, what mommy in her right mind can deny healthy food when her kids ask for it?! So, I just don't do the juicing anymore. (And, my brand new juicer broke. Hence my removal of the affiliate link. I withdraw my endorsement until I know that the company will stand by their product and fix it or return our money.)

I like rice and beans... maybe not so much as my "morning juice." But, I like it. And, I like lentils. They are good. And, my garden will be producing soon... we have gotten a few zucchinis. And, the tomatoes should turn eventually. So, I am not complaining. This post is about informing, not complaining.

This is the right course of action. The General of the House let me try the new diet for as long as he could without going bankrupt to buy organic veggies. 

This is not a big deal... just a little information for anyone who might care.

And, because NYLass asked, here is a recent picture of me - after 28 pounds lost!

I have lost 14% of my total body weight! That sounds more impressive than "28 pounds," doesn't it?

Do I HAVE to buy organic veggies?

I found this article to be very helpful. 

It tells which fruits and veggies are the most caked in dangerous pesticides. 

There is also a list of least sprayed produce (the "clean list").

Here is ANOTHER fascinating (yet, kind of awful) site.

Hope this helps you all too!

What's For Lunch?

I am still greatly struggling to feed myself with all my new dietary restrictions (some I put in place, some were recommended by my naturopath who wants to see me lose a lot of weight). But, a few of you have asked what a "day in the life" looks like.

Well - it varies. Greatly.

We have started using organic produce that we usually buy at Natural Grocers. Rule one - buy what is on sale!!! After I hit the sale items I look around the corner at the "discount" produce. These items range from ripe to overripe and bruised. Each bag is $1. I have been known to buy $15 worth of dollar bags and nothing else. It can be an interesting way to try new foods! (The other day Paul was a bit surprised when he peeled a Cara cara thinking it was one of our typical Valencia oranges that I buy for juicing.)

Also, this week we are out of both produce and money, so I cooked bread. (I do the best with what we have. But, I have to feed my family!)

I also drink 2-3 quarts of water a day.

That said:

Breakfast - I LOVE to drink juice for breakfast. Every morning I wake up craving my apple, carrot, celery juice. This, however, is not my full meal (most days...). My naturopath wants me to eat 20 grams of protein in every meal. So, I try to choke down a hard boiled egg or a few cooked eggs. I don't really like eggs anymore. Seriously. The more raw foods I eat, the more raw foods I want! I used to eat whole grains cereal with bananas and milk... but that was before the doc took away my flour/grains. I have also been experimenting with some fruit/veggie "porridge." I am trying new recipes from raw foods cookbooks. Yoghurt is good with fruit... if you can eat dairy.

Mid-morning - Nuts. I like to snack on nuts. Sometimes I might eat a banana. It depends how much fruit I eat with breakfast. I plant to make a raw granola or muesli recipe next week to snack on as well. I have been snacking on cauliflower, because it was in a dollar bag last week!

Lunch - Salad. Lettuce is in season right now. I top it with whatever I have on hand - any combination of: sunflower seeds, avacado, guacamole, tomato, cucumber, green pepper, alfalfa sprouts, cashews, beans, corn, cheese, raw garlic/green pepper/onion "relish"or anything else that sounds good. I am actually getting burnt out on salad... so I need to broaden my horizons soon. I used to eat tri-color pasta twice a week... but, alas, no more pasta!

Afternoon Snack - Nuts. Fruits. Veggies.

Dinner  - This varies more than any other meal. We eat beans or lentils just about daily. I am going to try sprouting lentils soon and eating them raw. Lentils are high in protein... and they are yummy! If we have meat it is usually with dinner. I made chicken salad last week with some organic mayonnaise. I ate the salad using a lettuce leaf "bun." I still like beef with homemade taco seasoning. This past Saturday I bought a grass-fed, grass-finished chuck roast at the farmer's market. I added onion and salt and it was delicious! Even when we do eat meat we usually eat salad and veggies first! You could do frozen or canned veggies (cooked, or without cooking them). Applesauce is a good side dish too.

After dinner snack - Nuts. Juice (I like apple-pear). Paul makes some fanTAStic smoothies: oranges through the juicer, apples through the juicer, pour those in a blender with a frozen banana and some ice.

Added: Don't forget about green smoothies! You can eat them as a meal or as a snack!

For more ideas and INSPIRATION read raw cookbooks. I especially like Raw Foods, by Erica Palmcrantz because it has gorgeous photographs alongside the recipes! I will let you know any other books and blogs that I find especially useful.   

In Which my Mixer Takes up Smoking

Well, folks, my fancy schmancy Cuisinart mixer died. Yesterday as Rebecca was making granola it started smoking. Oy.

I checked the warrant information. Part of the reason we bought this machine was because of an excellent warranty. Three years (as opposed to Kitchen Aid's one year warranty). So, it is still covered. BUT, I read (a little too late) that simply sending back the registration card was not enough. They want to have the original sales receipt. Oops... that's been gone for 2 years. So, I will have to call and slug it out with someone over the phone. Ugh.

Someone gave me a small mixer today. It is brand new. And, that will work for some smaller mixes. I was also given a bread machine. So that will help.

I need to call the company and see if we can come to an understanding. But, I think I will be making do with my new smaller mixer and bread machine until I can save up money for a Bosch mixer.

In a way, this is a sort of blessing... I was supposed to be cutting back on baked goods and breads anyway.

It will all work out. I believe there are lessons to be learned even in these little events of life. Today I was blessed when our friend brought me a mixer and bread machine... (He drove all the way from Illinois!) So - hokey as it might sound - I thank God that my mixer broke! I have been blessed!
 --------------------
Updated a few minutes later!

My husband, who is hands down the most wonderful husband in the world, just got on Amazon (where we bought the mixer) and printed me the invoice/receipt! I hope that will be sufficient for the Cuisinart people!

I'll keep you posted.

Ten Year old Business Woman

My daughter is becoming quite the little entrepreneur.

Rebecca made granola for a baked goods auction last weekend and it was a high dollar item. At the time, the auctioneer joked about her being a "professional cook." We all laughed.Then today at church one of the ladies offered Rebecca money for more granola. Becca said, "you don't have to pay me." But, the woman insisted. And another lady asked if Rebecca makes cinnamon-sugar-raisen bread, and offered to pay for that.

I think Rebecca has found a niche. Paul and I will have to help her set prices this week.

My ten year old brings in more income than I do!

I Want to be well

I want to be well. But I don't even know what is wrong with me... except that in all likelihood it is an autoimmune disease.

Paul and I have been watching many documentaries about people getting well and even curing their autoimmune diseases. I believe it can be done. I do think that the cure is within our nutrition.

So, I am trying to make as many changes as I can while nursing a baby. I rediscovered Paul's old Juiceman juice extractor and I am drinking a lot of fruits and veggies. I am attempting to replace one meal a day (usually breakfast) with juice. (I end up feeling like I am starving before 10 am.) I know that I have to eat more fruits and veggies, but eating them all seems so daunting that juicing seems like a better option.

I am also trying to get off of all forms of caffeine (tea, soda, coffee, etc). I am down to 1/3 caffeinated coffee in the morning... and only one or two mugs of it. Yesterday was a bad day. I had to take two naps. Let me tell you, friend, if you think you are not dependent on caffeine - just try to give it up! (In my case I knew I was terribly dependent on caffeine, perhaps to the point of idolatry. And, that troubles me.)

In addition to these - I am trying to cut out ALL remaining refined sugar in my diet. This is not too much of a problem ... so long as I can curb my cookie cravings. I am doing this, in part, because I have been researching the various factors that play a part in thyroid function. And, from what I can see refined sugar depresses thyroid function.

So far I have only seen set backs to my overall health. I am groggy, tired, foggy-headed. I am still having the cycle of one or two good days followed by many bad days.

I want to be well. I have a husband and six children who need me. I homeschool the four oldest children. I get little exercise, because I have no strength for it.

If adding more fruits and veggies to my diet can help get me well - great! I am generally in favor of moderation in my diet... but I don't know if I will ever get well consuming "moderate" amounts of sugar and caffeine.

My goals for the next few months:
- Get totally off of refined sugar
- Get totally off of caffeine
- Work my way up to a diet of at least 51% fruits and veggies... yikes.
- Drink at least 100 ounces of water every day
- no soda ever, not even decaf
- no sweet tea, not even decaf
- very little meat (this is NOT a change from our current norm. We choose not to spend our limited budget on meat. We have been eating only three pounds of meat a week for the last several months - that's three pounds for the whole family, by the way.)
- less breads (because I eat a LOT of my homemade bread. Great ingredients... in smaller amounts)
- more beans (we already eat beans several days a week. I would like to see it go to at least one meal a day.)
- exercise daily. Gardening counts. Mowing counts. Soccer with the kids counts.I am not expecting marathon condition. I just want to be able to take a walk!
- I do NOT have a goal for weight loss, because ultimately that is not my primary concern. But, I know that I should not weigh 200 pounds. After Baby #5 was born in 2009, I weighed 178 for almost two years. And, after Baby #2 was born in 2003, I got down to 160 by making no dietary changes at all... just with exercise. So, in time, I would like to see a significant reduction in pounds lost. But, for now, it is not a goal

Seed Starting Experiment

I had originally intended to start my seeds in egg cartons with potting soil. But, I did not think that it was worth my time. So, I bought four trays of peat pellets. This is my first time to start any seeds and I am truly on a learning curve here. You can click the photo to enlarge it.

Some things you need to know about my starts:
- The four long trays are peat pellets. They look like little discs when you buy them, but when you add warm water they grow into plump little planters. I think a tray of 72 pellets was about $6.
- The two middle trays are 3 weeks old, the outer two trays are 2 weeks old.
- I planted too many of everything... because I do not yet know the success rate of this method of planting.
- The three week old seedlings are nearing the time to be "hardened." That is the process of slowly acclimating the little guys to the outdoor world. This process will be done in a few weeks and will be ready to be transplanted into the warm, frost-free garden
- Plants are ready to be transplanted when they have between 4 and 8 real leaves (as opposed to the two cute seed leaves they begin with)
- The littlest planter at the top was a cheap $3 item from the local superstore. It has soil instead of just peat.

So far it looks like things are going according to the plan, but I will NOT consider it a failure if I end up having to buy starts from the local farm store in a few weeks. Every time you try and the results are not as you planned it is a learning experience. I learn best by doing... and sometimes by "failing."


The crops I am growing:
Bottom tray - Roma Tomatoes, Green Bell Peppers, Pepperoncini Peppers, and Jalapeno Peppers
Second tray up - Sweet 100 Cherry Tomatoes and Rutgers Tomatoes (this tray might produce 72 tomato plants! Some to give away if all goes well.)
Third tray up - 6 Eggplant, 3 spearmint, 9 asters (flowers), 12 cucumbers, 12 zucchini, 12 watermelon, 12 cantaloupe, 6 pie pumpkin (It was probably too early to start the pumpkin... we will be the only people around with pumpkins harvesting in July :0)
Top long tray - Marglobe tomatoes, 6 Lemon balm (herb), 12 basil (herb), 24 Nasturtium (flower - bought and planted by Nelson!), and 12 more aster  
Little tray on top - Marigolds that did not come up and watermelon (planted by Rebecca)

I just love growing things!!!

Garden Update

We planted our snow peas around a happy little teepee. Our first ever attempt at a teepee. (The pictures do not show the twine that will be supporting the vines.)

It is supposed to freeze Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. So I am super glad that we have not gotten too many plants in the ground!

Click any picture to enlarge it.

Daydreaming about Goats Again

(Re-posted Sept 29, 2015, because I can't remember why I made it into a draft)

Y'all know that I want my own dairy and meat animals... for a few years now.

Yesterday I checked out Storey's Guide to Raising Meat Goats (again). And, I read something in that volume which made my day. I can cross meat and dairy breeds! So, I can get the Nubian doe I have always wanted for milk and cheese with a Boer buck for meat. The doe will give milk and we will eat the meaty kid.
I am super excited. But, I need to pace myself. Silly me - we don't even have the chicken coop built yet.

This new information about goat crossing will just have to ruminate in my mind a little longer... pun intended.
-------
Updated the same day:
It appears that Paul and I are at odds on this ; )

He seems to think that our children who watched too many Disney movies in the past will not be capable of eating our own goat meat. But, he thinks we could sell the kids (ahem, I meant the goat kids).

Starting Tomato Seeds

Have you asked - "How many tomato seeds should I buy?" Wish I would have looked it up before I bought my seeds!

Tomato seeds - one tiny package equals about 18-24 plants (assuming that you start 2-3 seeds per hole).

Now I know.

Garden Fever - Seeds

Okay y'all, I admit it - I'm going garden crazy over here.

Today we went to Menards and bought seeds! This is only our third year gardening and our first time to start seeds indoors! (Some of the seeds will be sown directly into the garden.) And, if something doesn't work then I will buy the plant like we usually do. But, we are going to attempt it anyway.

We hope to make small advances every year!

New this year: 
- starting seeds indoors
- hoping to save seeds from heirloom plants
- going to learn to "pickle" peppers
- going to learn to pickle cucumbers
- eggplant
- herbs
- more annual flowers for companions/pest control
- woven wire for climbing beans and peas (or maybe a teepee too!)
- chickens (just as soon as Paul gets the tractor made)
- maybe some fruit trees and berries
- pressure canning
- using a tractor tire as a raised bed ; ) 

Who thinks I'm biting off more than I can chew? (Don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question. *winks*)

Cost of garden so far: $170 top soil + $33 seeds