Taking an ax to the log in my eye

I wrote yesterday that God knows us well. He knows me well and sometimes answers my prayers in ways that get my attention in a big way. Today was another one of those days.

The news has been full of hatred, violence and racism. I pray for our nation. I pray that we would learn to love. I pray that we would be stretched to let our love and compassion cover the poor, the "ugly," the smelly, the ones who don't look like we do, the ones who don't drive cars like we do, the drug dealers, the meth addicts, the rich, etc. I've been praying for myself specifically that I would learn to love people like Jesus does. And, I have asked God to show me my own blind spots and weak points. (You know... that verse about ignoring the log in your own eye, while picking out the speck in someone else's eye?)

This afternoon, I had to get dog food and a few other items at Wal-Mart. I had just picked up my generic gallon-sized zipper bags when an older guy spoke to me. "You are a woman. What cleaner has ammonia in it?" He came off a bit brusque, to be sure. And, since he was wearing a mask, I had no idea what his countenance looked like. (Generally I read people by their countenance more than clothes or physical features. I rarely notice pimples or crooked teeth, but I do see desperation, sadness, depression, joy, laughter, etc.) He was a white-haired, white guy with blue eyes. But, you guys, fear triggered in my heart. I forced it down with a little laugh (another safety and defense mechanism) and chose to find humor in his opening remark.

Now, you guys know I love people. I'm an extrovert. I often talk to strangers in stores or anywhere else. I like to make the world feel warmer by smiling at strangers. But, the mask triggered me. (When you are healing from PTSD, you have to know your triggers. It's step one to overcoming them.) I answered him politely, "I believe Windex would be your best bet." And, part of me wanted to walk away, but another part of me said to take the time to give this guy a few moments of my attention. I asked, "What do you want ammonia for?" He answered to spray on trash cans to keep the raccoons away. He asked me to help read labels and help him find the best product. You guys, I admit it, my fear went up another notch. What are his motives? What does he really want from me? My purse is on my arm - check. I don't have valuables or a child in the cart - check. I can see other people nearby - check. Yes, I actually thought through that in a flashing second before I walked closer to him.

You guys, what we have in this world is a sin problem. I love "little old men." Ask my family. I really adore little old men. I used to have so much fun serving my retired customers at Hardees. I have only good memories of little old men. But, I have a distrusting traumatized heart. You know that checklist I ran through? There is nothing wrong with having a safety check in your mind. Especially if you have been a victim of abuse, rape or violence. There are legit dangers in the world! (Our family has become even more aware of this since Paul has become a corrections officer.) What I am saying is that the world is full of sin.  It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, white, or a person of color. We are all full of sin.
That's why we need Jesus! 

There have been times when I needed to ignore problems outside of my home and focus on my own healing. Sometimes living in "survival mode" for years means that I have to shut out all problems but my own. (And, I think that you can do that for a season.) But, some days you wake up and think, "I can't hide my head in the sand anymore. I can't stay silent." I mean this in many areas of life, not just racism - which I mention today because it is the news feature that currently reflects our need for change.

You guys, our world has a problem. Every day we see that people are full of hatred. Families dividing over politics. Friendships ending over gender-sexuality issues. Cities at war over racism.

There is fighting, division, and protest because there needs to be. 

All of us have safety checklists - and rightly so. If you are unsafe, you have to protect yourself, or flee, or have a protest to be heard. In our home, we continue to strive for love and acceptance of all types of people and situations. It's hard. But, I think having so many kids in my home will help with that. Kids see things from a different perspective - especially teens. Teens are constantly challenging all of the dogma and doctrine they have been hearing since infancy. Often they help us parents see where we have blind spots. We all have blind spots.

This post is not a quick "point out a problem and solution" type of post. We can't turn this ship around in one day. We can't fix racism or classism or any other ism in a day. But, we can pray for change. We can start with ourselves. We can hope for a better future for younger generations. And, we can long for heaven and pray "Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." I get all goose-bumpy when I think of Heaven. When we will finally see other people for their hearts/souls and not their skin color, wealth, or whatever else. We will worship together at the feet of Jesus. "Every tongue, tribe, and nation." 

Let's start now.

Are we monsters?

(Re-posted 8-14-2018. I removed this posting before because I felt scared. Scared of criticism. These are sensitive issues, and hard to open up about publicly. But, I think more good will come from this posting than harm. I pray to that end!)

I found another one today... another blogger, from a certain kind of religious homeschool background, that has left the faith entirely. I don't go looking for these people. I truly believe that God leads me to them for two reasons, and I can't really determine an order of importance here: 1) to warn and caution me of what can happen in my own family if I wander too far down the path of rigid rule-keeping, and 2) to pray for these children and adults who are wounded and angry.

As I have said before, our hearts ought to break for the same things that make God's heart sad. I imagine that God is saddened by the children who leave the faith (whether they come from legalism or liberalism). But, unlike us, God can see the big picture. He knows what is happening in every thread in the tapestry of grace that He is weaving with our lives.

I am seeing more and more people who - as a response to recent scandals and abuse - are withdrawing from the homeschooling movement entirely. I read a lot of bloggers who lump all Christian homeschoolers together as being isolationist, fundamentalist, legalistic people who are inherently dangerous.

We cannot paint all of homeschooling with so broad a stroke as to say that all homeschool children are in danger. We should certainly be aware of signs of abuse when we see them, but we should not expect that all homeschool families are abusive.

Our family still home educates our children. It can be exhausting and challenging. But we love it! However, I will go on record as saying that I do not think that every family should homeschool their children - it's not for everyone. While most of the homeschool families I know appear to be balanced and healthy, I have known some sad situations where a child was not being educated adequately.

It seems like the people coming out of these dangerous, cultic type homeschool groups are the ones who are speaking most loudly against the movement as a whole. Perhaps their experience was limited to meeting only people just like their own dysfunctional families (that is usually how those types of protective groups operate). I am sure there are also a lot of children like the ones I know who grow up being homeschooled and graduate to become happy, healthy people who love the Lord and raise up nice families of their own. Not all homeschool families are monsters! I have no statistics to support this claim, just my own experience.

I think we can be honest and say that there are some dangerous systems of thought and isolation that may lead some families into abuse. But, even then, God can grab people out of danger and set their feet on more firm soil! By the grace of God, this is what He has done for our family. We were being drawn down some dangerous roads, but God has plucked us away from the fire.

The expression that comes to mind is - Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

Should we re-evaluate why we are homeschooling? Absolutely!
Should we ask ourselves if our own family is isolationist or abusive? Absolutely!
Should we honestly evaluate if we are fit to be homeschooling our own children? Absolutely!

If you cannot answer all those questions to the affirmative, then I submit to you that maybe you are in danger... Danger of holding an ideal so strongly that you may not be asking God what HE wants for your family.

I believe that most of the families who have emerged from scandal and disgrace originally intended to raise godly children. They meant well! (Just like I mean well!) No parent would go to all the work of homeschooling with ill-will in their hearts. Maybe they just didn't see red flags along the way. Maybe they were lied to by gurus who also meant well. I can't really say. But, I truly believe that they meant to act in a way that pleased the Lord.

So, even though my voice is strongly joined with those who oppose abuse, control, legalism, and performance-based "grace," I will be among the first to admit that none of us is close to perfect! We all make mistakes in our parenting journey. God can redeem what (to us) looks like ruin!

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Cor. 1:3-4 ESV 

Performance-based Christianity will lead to rigid rule keeping. Rigid rule keeping without love will lead to rebellion against God and family. We must balance love and rules to grow healthy, happy children!