Uncondemned

(5-7-2013 Mostly unedited. I am letting these raw emotions stay in print. I have moved beyond many of these concerns now. This was written during a very difficult transformation! I appreciate my authenticity here, and I pray that it helps other get through their transition times. I am now on different hypothyroid medication as well as hormone replacement therapy for female hormones and adrenal issues. I am much more able to function than before. I physically sick, but I am getting better. I am also more spiritually well. This has been our best, most consistent year of homeschooling yet. I believe that each year we will all improve. Lastly, In this post I mention being angry. I am no longer angry.) 

Failed.

As a homeschool mom I think I have failed. I know, I know, “it is all a matter of perspective.”

But, I think I am uncovering another Christian lie…

I have homeschooled all of my children from the beginning. Rebecca was started very early with letter recognition, phonics, and writing. I began using Veritas Press curriculum with her at age 4. At that time I began Saxon 1, but she was not ready. No big deal… I would try again the next year.

I had years of happy homeschooling planned in my head. But, unbeknownst to me, each pregnancy, each birth, all the breast-feeding would take a huge toll on my body. When Becca was 5, I started showing signs of some kind of debilitating we-knew-not-what. We got my thyroid tested every few months and it was always, always out of whack. We just assumed that if I could ever get my thyroid medicine regulated I would be just fine.

Then, in winter of 2007 leading into Spring 2008, I started having extreme pains in my hands and joints. I could no longer cut my own steak. I could not pour Paul’s coffee. It was in the early Spring of 2008 that I was first diagnosed with vitamin D deficiency. I had a 15 week treatment that made me feel healed. I could walk, run, work, play, etc without any pain or fatigue.

… Then, we moved to MO. And, that winter I had my worst-ever (to date) bout with disability… real disability. Winter 2008 going into Spring 2009 I could not hardly even walk. I could not button my own shirts or tie my own shoes. All through this time, I kept on trying to homeschool the children. We have a conviction that children should be educated from a God-fearing world view. In MO, children are not mandated to education until they are 7, so even though I had started schooling Nelson at the Kindergarten level in 2007, I did not feel too concerned that the government would intervene if he was a little behind in some areas.

I read a lot of other bloggers who homeschool in a variety of manners, and I began to like the idea of “unschooling.” Don’t panic, Mom and Dad, it isn’t as bad as it sounds. It simply means that rather than follow a rigid curriculum you have more of a “strike while the iron is hot” mentality. In some ways this worked out great! The kids wanted to learn about stars, so we would get dozens of books at the library. The kids wanted to write letters to friends, so we would work on writing. And so on. The problem was that children are not by nature self-disciplined. So, unless you force them to study every subject – they won’t. And, as it turns out, my kids hate math. At least they HATED Saxon math. I stuck with it, because I know that even public school teachers have respect for Saxon math (a bad motivation by the way). Anyway, while we worked on reading and writing most every day (even during my disability) we rarely did math.
The following Spring I saw improvement. Then, the winter 2009 Josiah was born. All went well for a few weeks… but then the general fatigue of winter set in (along with post-partum fatigue and months of bleeding). I knew that we were terribly behind in math, but still had hopes of getting caught up.

ENTER THE LIE ---

Throughout my last few years of homeschooling, fighting this recurring winter disability, I have occasionally shared with a few people that I was “behind” in schooling the children. Almost all Christian homeschooling moms gave the same answer – “DON’T EVER SAY YOU ARE BEHIND!” They would go on to tell me that the very purpose of homeschooling is to do things my own way, and not feel pressured by the way “the World” does things. And, it usually comes across as a rebuke. If I admit to being behind (which I really, truly was) then I was in error for caring too much about the way the World does things, and comparing myself too much to government-run schools.

Fast forward to this summer (today, even) –
I am completely overwhelmed. My eldest is a few school grades behind in math. I think in all other areas she is fine (or even advanced). And, Nelson is half a grade behind in math. He also is not really reading well yet. The children are not the problem! They were just being kids! The problem was, I was too tired to force them to do work they did not want to do and teach lessons to kids who were scowling at me. I just could not do it. Judge me as you will. Say I am faking my sickness if you want. You can even rebuke me as one local Christian Super Mom did that “you could get up in the morning if you want to. You just have to do it.” I am still working through the scars left by this rebuke. But, it isn’t just her… it’s in a lot of our Christian books and blogs too. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on moms (especially homeschooling moms) to get the job done – and get it done well.

So, where are we at today?

Confused. Hurting. Angry.

I am angry that so many Christians caused me to feel that I would be in better standing with the Lord if I homeschooled my kids. And, I am angry at the types who say such things as “if the Lord gives you the conviction, He will supply the strength you need to follow through with it.” (Well, I don’t think that philosophy is a lie, but I think that forcing people in homeschooling – or having umpteen babies - when they might very well be too sick is unkind.) I formerly had the conviction to bear as many children as the Lord gives me. I LOVE my kids. And, I would not trade a single one of them. However, my body is completely depleted. I am always exhausted. I have a chronic vitamin D deficiency. My thyroid disease is always going crazy (up and down, up and down). Some mornings I cannot even get out of bed. No, I really can’t. I am not exaggerating… I really can’t. And, I finally admitted to Paul a few weeks ago that I can’t homeschool the kids anymore… at least not all of them.

So, we called the Christian school that is run by the church that we attend. It costs $5000 a year per child… well, there is a discount for members (if we were official church members)… and there is a multi-child discount… and they might be able to give us $1000 in tuition assistance. But, that still leaves a fee far greater than we can come up with every month. No, I cannot cut back the budget anywhere. We are already behind on several other bills.
What’s more – in talking to the principal of the school (who is also one of the pastors at our church), I was told that we would have to do a placement test. They told me that my eldest who is old enough to go into fourth grade would have to pass every subject at that level. We talked in depth, and I was honest that she was “behind” in math… but not because she is “slow,” but because of my health. Well, he said that she would have to be in a special learning lab for as long as it took to get caught up in that subject. Every day she would leave her class and go to the “independent learning center” for tutoring.

So, even if we could afford private school Becca would have a trying couple of years as she had to get caught up.

Maybe I wouldn’t feel so guilty if my kids were dumb. But, they aren’t. My kids are very bright. It is entirely my fault that they are behind.

Now, I am braced for all kinds of rebukes. I have already heard some from real-life people who tell me that it is not good for my kids’ self-esteem to be talked about as “being behind.” You might be right in that… but it IS the truth. Would you prefer that I lie to them, let them take the placement test and be told by the principal that they are “behind?” I think not.

Then today, Paul brought up sending the kids to public school. One of the pastors at church – who seems to care greatly about our family and my health limitations – has been encouraging Paul to send the kids to public school for my sake. And, honestly, I feel awful! I feel like a complete failure. I let my kids down. I let my husband down…

OR DID I? Who is it that is heaping this condemnation upon me? Is it from the Lord? I think not. There is no condemnation in Christ. So, who is causing me to feel condemned?

I admit it – I am angry with all the people (beginning years ago with a book by Douglas Wilson) who built a seemingly solid case for “all Christians should send their kids to Christian schools or home educate them.” These people have heaped years of difficulty on my life. Let me qualify – I love the idea of homeschooling! I even WANT to do it! But I can’t. As of today, it looks like our options are 1) move to the South, because maybe year-round sunshine would cure my winter disability; or 2) send a few kids to public school.

Oh, I am so confused! What would THE LORD have me to do? Not Doug Wilson, not Doug Phillips, not Voddie Bauchum – but the LORD. His opinion is the only one that matters. (His and my husband’s, of course ~ smiles)
Lord, what would you have me to do? I know that you see my health as it truly is, and I stand before you uncondemned. But, before my Christian, homeschooling friends I feel nothing but shame and condemnation. Before them, I see myself as a failure. Oh, please, Father, let me see myself only through Your eyes! Help me to block out all other opinions but Yours. Show me and Paul what to do. Show us where Your Word ends and legalism begins. Show us the difference between Your rules and man-made rules. And, show us the Truth where we have been believing lies.



Last but not least,
Friend, I can tell you for sure this one thing – IF you think that you are in better standing before the Lord because you homeschool your children you certainly are deceived. Your right standing before the Lord was purchased through the blood of Jesus Christ. All Christians are of equal standing before the Lord, because He sees His Son covering all of our sins (Praise be to GOD!). There is nothing you can do to gain a better place before Him… He has already done it all!

In this I find peace amidst the storm.

Whatever we do – it will all be okay. We cannot fail Him, because our mistakes will be covered by the blood. We will try our best to obey Him, knowing that we will sometimes fail. And, that’s okay. Because God LOVES us anyway! He loved us while we were yet sinners! He loved us while we were His enemies!

In this I find peace amidst the storm.

Praise be to God.

Unwritten Rules

(May 7, 2013 - The tone of this post is raw anger and a lot of sarcasm. I was processing a lot of pain in a difficult time of transition. I am leaving it *as is* to help anyone else who is in this transition time. I was hurt and said hurtful things. I am no longer angry or bitter as I was then.)

(Edited July 19, 2011 for content.)

We have a dear friend, a single young man, who is often daydreaming about how someday he will have ten kids and his wife will stay at home and home school them all. Paul and I listen quietly, but sometimes in the back of my mind I want to shake him. I dedicate this post to single men and women and to young marrieds who have not yet learned the un-written rules of Christian marriage and child-rearing.

Unwritten rule for newlyweds: When you are struggling in your first few months and years with trying to make your marriage work, you must not tell anyone. You must hold all your aches and pains inside and continually wear a happy face. This way you will not be alienated and rebuked when you are around your other church friends.

Obviously this rule is completely absurd, and it caused Paul and I extraordinary pain in our early years. All the other young couples we knew seemed to be doing just fine, so I would never have dreamed of opening up to them and sharing our problems. I wander now… were any of these same couples looking at Paul and I thinking how very happy we seemed? Were they afraid to talk to us? The trouble is that in most churches there are few real relationships, few safe places to have such vulnerable conversations. Granted, the pastor hears a lot of what is really going on in pre-divorce counseling… you know that last-ditch effort to save your marriage before you walk out. How many young marriages could be saved by older couples being honest about the struggles they went through at that time? Why can’t we all live as authentic Christians? No, I am not saying “walk around town and pour out your sob story to anyone who will listen.” I am saying that we need to create safe environments within our relationships and fellowships for people in need to share legitimate concerns without being crucified for their honesty.


Unwritten rule for pregnant women: You must never complain about feeling sick… even if you are so sick that you cannot function and your children are left for weeks on end to fend for themselves while Daddy is at work.

I think that part of the reason this rule has had such a stronghold on our family is because of all the years I spent writing posts that were in favor of the quiver full conviction (the conviction that women should leave all decision making of when to have children to the Lord, thus they might have as many as ten children before falling down dead from fatigue.) Paul and I used to hold to this conviction, but because of the extreme toll that having babies has had on my body (being pregnant or nursing for 10 straight years) we have come to a different understanding. We no longer believe that a woman should destroy her own health in this effort to please the Lord. As I have pointed out in a few other posts – our righteousness before the Lord is found in Jesus Christ. God is pleased because we have accepted the sacrificial death of His Son as being our own. We cannot do anything to add to that. We cannot make ourselves more holy by keeping rules (written or unwritten).
Ahem, back on topic – I was saying that when a person is “quiver full” then obviously he/she cannot complain about the real trials of pregnancy. Because anyone who disagrees with your position will be happy to point out that “you knew pregnancy would be hard, but this is your conviction, remember.” (Yes, we Christians can be very hard on one another, can’t we?)

But even in quiver full circles, and within the most family-centered churches, a woman ought to be able to admit that she has a need. When Paul was a pastor at the little country church in IL, I felt free to say I was feeling awful. And, the women helped me with cleaning my house, washing my laundry, and feeding my little tribe. What a blessing! And, no one there scolded me. In fact, many of the women said, “I remember those days, I wish someone had helped me…”

Again, I am not in favor of pregnant women walking around town trying to look pathetic and whining to ever passer-by. But, there ought to be a safe place where women can share genuine concerns with real friends and church family, without being rebuked for admitting weakness and fatigue. IN FACT, this should be the case all the more within such groups as those who are anti-birth-control, who know the difficulty of stairstep pregnancies.


Unwritten rule for parents of many children: You must never admit to being overwhelmed.

Seriously, how are we helping young, exhausted mothers by forcing them into pretending to be SuperMom? I have a new theory. My theory is that all families are overwhelmed, and that only one or two women care to admit it… the others are all faking it.

I am very angry about this point. I am angry at magazines like Above Rubies (and others) who print story after happy story of young families who are all smiling. I believe that the stories printed are true… but, I am concerned that if we were to see the other 98% of that family’s life we would see chaos, screaming, crying, hurting, etc. I am tired of blogs written by mommies of ten or so kids who “have it all together” and are always sharing happy stories where everything goes right. Or, even if everyone is sick, they are writing a post about how great it is clean up puke. I don’t buy it!

I know that one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is joy, so it is possible that some of these families really are happy and love one another a large percentage of the time. But, in our experience, these families with ten-plus kids are locked into the bondage of legalism and rule-keeping… not the spirit-filled life.

What I think is that most families with a half dozen kids or so is a lot like mine has been: We have posted pictures where we are all smiling (which does happen on occasion). We have mainly published the posts where things were going well, keeping with the façade of having it all together. We have not admitted to very many people that we are completely overwhelmed, completely over our heads… and most days I wander if I will even make it through the day.
I have a whole new sympathy for Andrea Yates (a Christian woman who snapped and drowned her five kids in the bath tub.) I feel genuinely sorry for her! Was she deceived like I have been? Was she involved in sects that (more or less) require women to have baby after baby to fit in. Add to that the pressure to be the perfect mother – cook the right foods, discipline the right way, have children that sit perfectly still in church, wear all the right clothes, etc. I have a new sympathy for Mr. Yates! Was he was supposed to be the perfect husband, the perfect father, the perfect provider, in order to be a good Christian. Were the poor Yates’ victims of these lies? My heart breaks for families like this who I consider to be casualties of legalistic Christianity.


I didn’t mean for this post to turn into another anti-legalism post, I really didn’t… but it is so heavy on my heart! I would much rather talk of GRACE. To those of you who are currently locked into rule-keeping – can you please admit how destructive it is? Can’t you start by admitting that your own family is falling apart, that you are depressed and miserable, that you know something is not working out as it should?

I ADMIT IT! After five or so years of putting on a happy face, I have finally come clean – and it feels good (read the previous posts). Our family never was perfect. Our marriage never was perfect. Our kids never were better than anyone else’s. We never truly felt any closer to the Lord. In fact, the more we got caught up into legalism, the farther away from God we felt. The more rules we were trying to keep (but not at all able to keep!) the more we doubted our salvation. We just kept beating our heads against the wall wandering, “will I ever be a good Christian? Will I ever get it right?!” What a horrible way for a Christian to live.

So, I am writing this post as a way to be freed from the rule-keeping. Maybe I will print out these unwritten rules and burn them in effigy (not really, I’m not that bitter). But, seriously, I want to remember what nonsense it is to pretend to be perfect. In Christian homeschool circles we have a tendency to strive for perfection… in a bad way. We want the on-looking world to see only the best of what we have to offer. Don’t believe me? Have you ever been to a homeschool convention? I have not, but I know what they consist of. I recently had an offer to attend the St. Louis conference for free and I happily turned it down. I saw the list of speakers… some of them famous within the vision-forum crowd. But, as I read the print out of speakers and topics I started having a panic attack. I don’t need any more pressure to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the perfect homeschool mom. Find me a conference with speakers who are real… whose only agenda is to push Christ crucified. A conference whose speakers admit that they are not perfect and who certainly will not call the audience to perfection. A conference from which I walk away loving Jesus more, loving my family more, and feeling renewed – ready to face the many trials that we all face.

I just read this post out loud to Paul and the children. Rebecca said something along the lines of “you’re not really going to post that, are you?” Then, she proceeded to name all of our friends that she hoped would never read this post.

What Becca does not yet understand is that – I am posting this because I care about people. I hate seeing people’s lives ruined. I hate seeing women snap under pressure.

I HAVE to publish this post, because women are suffering. Families are being destroyed. How many more women have to snap before the truth of legalism comes to the surface?

Please, Lord, please show your children where they are in error, thinking that following certain rules will bring them assurance of their salvation? Oh, please, God, won’t you break in upon their hearts and cause them to admit that this is not really working. Oh, Jesus, please, please spare hurting women who are at the point of suicide and homicide because they cannot begin to keep all the rules they feel obligated to keep. Please, Father, please use this post to prevent more loss of lives. And, God, please, please bring healing to the lives of Andrea and Rusty Yates. Fill them with your Holy Spirit and give them joy and peace in the midst of a lifetime of pain. I ask all this in the name and for the glory of Jesus, Amen.

Survival Skills for the Early Years - Part 2

If you hear your son say, "let's play haircut," then you hear the drawer open where the scissors are kept - RUN to the room where they are playing.

Paul's Take

If you read Bethany’s earlier posts, you are aware that we have been delivered from the bondage of legalism. The legalism that we speak of is not often recognized as legalism. Our legalism was the kind that says, “You are in the Kingdom of God, but you still have work to do to earn the favor and blessing of God. You have to strive to be really loved by God.” I know that some will say, “Where did you come up with that?” To be honest, I am not really sure myself. It is not in the Scriptures. Looking back we can see were discontent and not happy in God. So we believed that we could somehow work to get content and happy in God. (Oh, wait, some of you may think God does not want me to be happy, just holy. If you think that to be holy is not to be happy I feel sorry for you) Anyway, with each effort to make ourselves more content and happy in God we drifted farther away from Him. We would often cry out to God, “What are we doing wrong, what do we have to do to get you to bless us?” Bethany was often angry with God. She was trying so hard to make God happy with our family and we were always coming up empty. We were trying to keep up on our end and feeling we were getting nothing back from God.

On top of that, we had all the legalistic groups that were always vying for our adherence. They would scream out to us, “If you are not like us, you are falling short, God is not happy with you.” I could give quite a list. Some of these groups are so cultic and demanding of their adherents that I would go out of my way to not run into them if was not walking the line. There was so much fear and self loathing. I believed I was the worst husband and father and Beth believed she was the worst wife and mother. Yes, there are husbands, wives, fathers and mothers that beat their kids commit adultery and do all manner of evil and vice, But, we were worse, because we had been enlightened, so to speak. To top that off, every seemingly bad thing that happened to us was the discipline of God, and He obviously was not happy with us, as we were sometimes told. If we tried to open up to others, we would receive no help just condemnation. I could go on and on.

But, praise be to God. He delivered us. Before He delivered us, we were involved in a home church group. That was the last attempt at making God pleased with us to the point of blessing. In was in this group that God gave me the revelation of His grace. It was in this group that I saw the polarity of those who love grace and those who seemingly hate grace. I was forced to choose grace and peace over fear and hate. I chose grace and peace and have not been the same since. It was after this that I realized that God loves me in spite of me.

Whoa! What a feeling! I am finally free from the yoke of slavery! I do not have to work anymore! I have been redeemed! Get, this, GOD LOVES PAUL WOODS. GOD LIKES ME. GOD WANTS TO BE WITH ME. You know what makes this AMAZING? I did not lift one finger to get His love lavished upon me. Now that’s amazing!

Next time I want to talk about what this freedom is and what its implications are.

Survival Skills for the Early Years: Part 1

Survival Skills 1

I dedicate this series to all the people who have asked “How do you do it?!” I also write these posts for all mommies who are crazy enough to have two babies (or more) in diapers at the same time!

Preparing for Sunday morning:

When I had only one or two little ones, Sunday preparations began a few days early. I starting making sure everyone had clean clothes washed by Friday. Back then we always had clothes set out ready for Sunday morning. And, everything went more or less according to plan. I remember playing piano almost every Sunday before we would leave for church (that was just a four or five years ago).

These days, if I do have clean laundry set out the night before - temper tantrums are thrown because it was not the right outfit. Or, I had the shoes set out, but one got eaten by the mysterious shoe monster during the night. Or, more often than not, I don’t plan ahead at all and one of the grown-ups will throw together a load of laundry Sunday morning. Because this one has only one clean sock, that one has no clean undies, and another one got dressed before breakfast and got gravy all over his clothes.

So, my practical advice to you is to find a church with a late service… even if you get there 10 minutes late no one will know, because the college kids come in even later than that.

Other practical ideas – IF you can get your oldest to stop primping long enough to help, then by all means employ her to put shoes on the little ones. Only, be prepared that after dressing the little ones, she herself will not be able to find her own shoes. Consider keeping an extra pair of flip flops in the van. And, if your oldest boy is willing, then by all means have him help clean up the breakfast mess. And, when you say, “put the left over gravy in the fridge,” make sure that he understands that the job does not end there… or, you might find your toddler on top of the table eating gravy scraps off of someone else’s forgotten plate… after he was already cleaned and dressed. But, don’t panic, no harm in sponge bathing the toddler before running out the door. His Sunday school teachers won’t be able to catch him long enough to notice that he rubbed the gravy plate over his head before you took it away.

Last practical idea – Instead of planning to leave early, which you will never actually accomplish… aim for leaving late – that way if you do actually leave on time you can feel good about yourself.


Stay tuned for the next installment of Survival Skills for the Early Years!

A rare moment

Seven year old Nelson complained to me this morning that he was the only boy in his Sunday school class. So, I wanted to get this on the record... There was this ONE time when I actually wanted Nelson to stay this age forever.

Liberated

(Reposted 5-7-2013. Unedited. When I wrote this I was coming through an awkward transition. My feelings here are raw and a little hurt by former groups that we felt wounded by. This year we were reconciled to most of the people from the homechurch that I mention in this post.)


Liberated!

I mean this post to boast in nothing except Jesus Christ. If it sounds like I am boasting in myself at all, please forgive me. I am nothing… Jesus is everything. (See Galatians 6:14) Also, as far as I know there is no bitterness in my heart towards any of the people or groups that we were formerly affiliated with. If it sounds like I am putting my dear friends down, I do apologize. It is not my intent. My goal is to see Christ glorified and to see people healed from their pains and released from their bondage.

Paul and I have been liberated from a cage we have been constructing for ourselves the last several years! In an effort to be as pleasing to God and as holy as we could possibly make ourselves, we boxed ourselves in with rules… almost entirely extra-biblical rules.

But, do you see the biggest problem with the logic of what we were doing? I just wrote, “as holy as we could possibly make ourselves.” Friends, can we/ do we ever make our own selves holy? Careful now. Who is it that has the power to make me holy? Only God - through the bloody sacrifice of Jesus, His Son. It is Jesus who has made me holy. And I cannot do anything to add to my own holiness. My efforts to fix myself before God are as filthy rags before the Lord. (see Isaiah 64:6)

This is the very reason why – while we were yet sinners Christ died for us! (see Romans 5:8) While we were enemies with God, Christ died for us! (see Romans 5:10) We can never earn salvation. We can never make our own selves holy. This realization has set our family free from years of bondage! We have shaken off the shackles of some of our legalisms and elitisms and we are now living a life of holiness that is granted by God and not earned by us.

I feel that I have been given wings to fly! I am no longer lonely and aching (which was largely caused by our family’s inability to find friends who were almost exactly like us). I am no longer over-eating to fill some great void. I am no longer dependent on caffeine (though I feel at liberty to drink a coke or a coffee). I am no longer living with the burden of man-made rules!

Some specifics:
I have been wearing blue jeans, slacks, and capris in public for a few months now.

I no longer feel that I have to “homestead” some day… though we still would like to live in the country and do some farming things

I no longer feel that I have to eat a diet of mostly whole foods. We are even at liberty to eat at McDonalds! *winks*

These few considerations (which are a very small sampling of the huge metamorphosis of the heart that we have been going through) might seem silly to you, but they were all very real to me and to many ladies. So many Christian blogs and magazines are preaching Christ alone in word… but works salvation in practice. Ladies, why do we get so caught up in secondary issues? Many of us have believed the lie that the more mature Christians are the ones who eat all whole foods, raise their own chickens, sew their own skirts, have 10 babies, etc. And, if a woman grinds her own wheat then she has truly “arrived.” Satan has deceived us! He has taken a good thing (healthy eating/good stewardship of our bodies) and used it to put many, many women into bondage.

My neighbor is a great source of encouragement to me. She and I talk about all of these expectations regularly. She wisely reminds me that Christian ladies need to keep going back to our “job description.” Does Titus 2 speak of raising chickens and goats? Does it speak of the need to have a perfectly clean house? No – these are characteristics of “Super Mom,” not necessarily a Titus 2 wife/mother.

Paul and I are free from years of bondage. As I said – a cage of our own making. Are you backing yourself into a cage? Perhaps by your: clothing convictions, food choices, mode of worship/type of church gathering, schooling choices, birth-control choices, child-rearing choices?

Do a little self quiz:
Can you go to church in a large church and worship with a group of diverse “normal” Christians? Or does the idea of going anywhere but your congregation of 20 select people give you the willies… even if you do have to drive over an hour to get there? (Friends, I am speaking in love here… we have driven 2+ hours before to find “like-minded” Christians, because our idea of like-minded was skewed. And, kudos to the pastor of that church who kindly but firmly said that if we were coming that far just to go to a Vision Forum Family-Integrated church, that we were making it of greater importance than the Gospel. He said that would be making family-integration a cultic thing. Amen, brother!)

Do you feel that you could be friends with someone who is a Christian but is part of a different denomination?

If you answered “No” to either question then you might be an elitist Christian. (Only God knows your heart) Paul and I know the elitist type very well. We saw one every time we looked in the mirror for the last 5 years! Over the years our church size kept shrinking and shrinking. God let us go all the way to the far extreme of an isolationist home church to see the results of our exclusivities. (I don’t know that all home groups are separatists or isolationists. In fact, most of them would be outraged by the idea of this accusation. But, what are many of them living in practice? Solitude. Isolation. Exclusion. Separation. Some home churches even screen potential visitors to save problems and disagreements down the road. This seems pretty exclusive to me.

For now, our family is attending a huge, very diverse church in town with “normal Christians.” Some are immodest. Most choose to send their kids to public school. Most families send their kids out of the service (just before the preaching) to go to children’s church. The girls flirt. The boys are often naughty. There are broken families alongside the healthy families. There are divorced people. There are working mothers. There are many things that Paul and I used to shrink from. But, for now, this group is home. We go and we minister to those in need. (And we are ministered to as well). We pray for the hurting and the sick (and we receive prayer as well). We worship with our whole hearts alongside of other imperfect Christians. We may not look like our previous notions of what holy Christians look like. But that’s okay. We stand before God admitting that we are undone, and thanking Him that it is HE and not ourselves who makes us Holy. This is the gospel.