Monday, June 13, 2011

Do you doubt your salvation?

(Reposted 5-7-2013: Completely unedited. I will be honest with you so that I can see others set free.) 

Do you doubt your salvation?

I used to… often. I heard a barrage of voices in my head volleying Scripture. One side would tell me that I was truly saved because of the work of Jesus Christ. The other side brought up any and every Scripture about any possible kind of “work” that man needs to do to offer as proof of salvation. Friends, Satan used Scripture when tempting Jesus Christ (Matt 4)… he can and will use Scripture to confuse you as well. Let me give you a few Scriptures to think on before I begin my actual post.
“Therefore they said to Him, ‘What shall we do, so that we may work the works of God?’ Jesus answered and said to them, ‘This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.’” John 6:28-29 (NASB – emphasis mine)

“Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1 (HCSB)

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, "Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. Rev 12:10 (NASB – emphasis mine)

This post is based largely on a journal entry that I wrote a few weeks ago. I was not writing it to be a blog post, but the Lord has laid it on my heart to take it public. I write this for anyone who is struggling with these same things:

The voices in my head are gone! The voices have not been warring in my head for months. A few months ago we went to visit some friends in northwest Missouri. One evening we had a prayer time with the dear father and mother. These friends prayed over each of us individually for our own special needs. The dad prayed over me that I would not hear voices any more. (A little alarming to me that he knew about this… since I didn’t tell him. After all, who wants people to know they hear voices?!) I have not heard voices since the night this man prayed over me. (Side note: He also prayed that I would be delivered from the “spirit of depression” – another thing which I certainly didn’t tell him – and I have been freed from that as well.)

I used to hear the voices daily… sometimes hourly. One set of voices accused me of all my sins, saying I would never change, calling me reprobate. (On good days – I knew it was the Father of Lies, the Accuser himself – see Rev 12:10 above and John 8:44 ). The other set of voices defended my salvation. BOTH sets of voices volleyed with Scripture so that I would get so confused who was right that I would hide in my room and cry. There were times the voices would tell me I was better off to kill myself… that it would help me, and the kids, and Paul. Sometimes I did toy with the idea of suicide, because I wanted to do anything to make the voices stop!

(Side note: the voices got worse with each new stage of legalism and “elitism” that Paul and I entered. I doubted my salvation more and more often as we kept adding more and more extra-biblical requirements to our salvation. I was so depressed that I weighed more than I have in my entire life… including every pregnancy.)

And then, of course you can’t actually talk to people about hearing voices… even in most churches. (Friends, my college degree was partly psychology… I know all about what the World says about people who hear voices.) I did NOT want to be locked up and have my shoestrings taken away in some psych ward!
But, let me tell you, I am more sure now than I have ever been that the voices were REAL, and they were NOT my own thoughts! They were spiritual voices.

Praise God for this deliverance from the voices!

I think it has a lot to do with the kind of Christianity we are practicing now, compared to that of the last several years. We are now looking to Jesus alone as our salvation, instead of our works. And, you cannot lose a salvation that is bought with the blood of Jesus! It is imperishable! (see I Corinthians 15 and the rest of the Bible)

Also, we go to a church weekly where the message is always Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. The preacher regularly says that we are not perfect people. He constantly lays the weight of our salvation on the cross… on Jesus. The pastors are regularly reminding us that we need to keep looking to Jesus instead of getting caught up in the list of sins that people like me often drag along with us to church. Friends, they are not preaching “fluff.” They are preaching the Gospel! After years of doubting, after years of hearing voices, I now truly, truly believe that Jesus has saved me. It has nothing to do with what I have done and what I will do… except for the fact that I must constantly keep turning my eyes back to the cross and believing in God’s Son. (see John 6:28-29 above)

Thank you, Jesus, for taking away my burdens!

No more condemnation… finally, no more voices.

Friend, if you are dealing with a nagging doubt of your salvation; or, if you are hearing voices that are accusing you of all your past mistakes please see a trusted Christian friend for prayer. IF you cannot trust your friends not to lock you in an asylum somewhere, call a pastor at a Charismatic church… they see this kind of thing all the time. They will not call you crazy. Or, if you would like - and you live nearby - contact me. I would be more than willing to pray over you to be free from these doubts and/or voices. Just please, go to someone for help. Ask the Lord who you should go to. Then wait for His answer. But, please, please, don’t let the voices lie to you anymore! God loves you! He died for you! He cherishes you! He does not want to see His children enslaved to doubts and/or voices, and He is eager for you to call on Him for deliverance!!!


NYLass said...

we had no power for three days - so I missed your great posts... Praise God for your freedom and peace. May you continue to feel His hand in all things!
so happy for you!

Bethany in mid-MO said...

Power is a good thing- glad you have it again.
Thanks 4 commenting.