Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What Matters Most?

Paul and I have been wrestling for a few weeks with a big decision, and I wanted to wait to tell you all about it until we made a decision. (Though, honestly, I did not expect it to be the following...)

First let me tell you about the offer we received: Paul's Dad, who lives 5 miles away and has about 50 gorgeous acres of land, has had an offer to buy another 20 acres that is adjacent to his property. On this land, there is a double-wide trailer. Paul's Dad asked us if we would like to go in on it with him... meaning we rent the trailer and pay into the monthly payments. The idea is that someday this land would be ours, and we could build on it.

Though Paul and I did not like that particular 20 acres, we loved the idea of paying rent towards owning land! And, once I started thinking about building a house... well, I nearly burst at the seams. Even though I knew that building would be years away, I checked out floor plan books from the library. You can laugh at me - I am laughing at me. Anyway, I started planning my dream home.

Then, it struck me sometime last week, "Paul," I said hesitantly, "if we build our dream home, it would be awfully hard to give it up if God calls us to the mission field." At that time, we talked out what a hard decision it would be to leave a home and move somewhere/anywhere. Still, I kept planning my dream home. I didn't exactly have wall colors picked out (yet), but I was certainly forming strong desires. A yearning to own my own home really sprung up within me. Suddenly my long-term dream of a homestead seemed much more closer, more tangible.

Fast forward to today... Paul has had a word from the Lord. (Or, you can call it a strong feeling or impression). I do not feel at liberty to share all of what Paul believes is in our future, but I will tell you this - we will not be buying land. We will not be building a home.

I fought back tears.

At first, I was upset to lose the home that I almost had. But, what really upsets me is how sad I was to be told that we cannot buy land right now. I am sad that I was putting so much hope into this dream! How quickly we can be consumed by the things of this world!

Please know that I am not saying Christians cannot own land... I do not mean anything of the sort. But, for our family right now - Because of what God has deeply impressed upon Paul - we cannot buy land.

How am I feeling about all this? In my mature moments - I am at peace. I completely trust God. And, I trust my husband.

But... after our nice country drive was over, we came back home to this house... with its many troubles. Today the cellar has standing water that stinks like cow manure tom cat spray the worst smells you can imagine rolled into one! And, since the weather is warming, we can expect to see snakes soon... and poisonous spiders... and who knows what else...

I have to keep my emotions in check. Emotions are not to be trusted.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jer 17:9 (KJV)
I cannot trust myself, my own emotions, to lead me in the right path. I need to lean hard upon The Truth! What does The Truth say?
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Matt 19:29 (KJV)

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Matt 16:24-26 (KJV)
If you want a strong wake-up call to what really matters, look up all the verses that say "for my sake." I think that I will be doing just that in the coming days/weeks.

1 comment:

Bluebell Country said...

I understand your feelings on this one completely. When we followed our conviction and conscience of leaving our home we had spent two years building it was so hard. I clung to those verses you posted, and even went as far as to have to count what we lost as dung like Paul says. Phil 3:8

I know the Lord has something wonderful for your family, many blessings dear friend!